from the archives: "baja fresh," 4/99

| 1 Comment

Baja Fresh

A play by Sean Keane


(Phone rings)

GLORIA: Hello?

AHMED: (on other end of line) Hi. This is Ahmed.


AHMED: Um, Ahmed. From Cal...

GLORIA: Oh, right. (Pause)

AHMED: Anyway, it's Sunday today, and I thought you might want to have lunch...

GLORIA: Ahmed, can I be honest with you? This is odd.

AHMED: I see. I just thought that...well, this was a mistake.

GLORIA: (silence)


(Phone rings. Ahmed wakes, sits up in bed. Answering machine picks up.)

AHMED: (on tape) Hello, you've reached 649-9974. Please leave your name, number, and a brief yet thorough message, and I'll call you back. (Beep.)

SEAN: (on tape) Hi, Ahmed. This is Sean, and I'm calling from New York. I don't know if you realize it or not, but Sunday is just two days away. You have to call Gloria for lunch, remember? I don't know about you, but I think this is odd.

(Ahmed writes "Sunday" on his left arm.)


(Brendan is sitting with his entire mouth around the top of a wine glass.)

SEAN: (to Brendan) With every subsequent moment that passes, my life becomes increasingly surreal. I don't know if I'm going crazy, or if the world truly is changing. Plus, the border between "funny" and "sad" is growing more and more blurry...half of the time, I can't tell whether I should be laughing at everything I see or hear, or if I should just be constantly crying. Maybe I just need more sleep.

BRENDAN: I really like sorority girls.

SUSANNA: For the last time, I'm Portuguese. Portuguese, dammit!

SEAN: Every moment.

(A piece of bread from offstage bounces off of Brendan's forehead. He covers his face effeminately.)

SEAN: Get a hold of yourself, Jerk McGirk!


(The phone rings. Gloria wakes, sits up, and picks up the phone)

GLORIA: Hello? Hello? Hello? (She hangs up.) How odd.

(Gloria distractedly scrawls "Baja Fresh" on her arm.)


(Answering machine tape is running)

SEAN: (on tape), later today, you're going to call her, and be worried about her reaction and everything, and no matter what she says, you're going to be obsessed with how odd the whole situation is. Try to focus. Concentrate on the lunch, on romance. It's the only way. That being said, the whole thing is pretty weird.


("I Saw Her Standing There" plays in the background. Ahmed is dialing.)

GLORIA: (on other end of call) Hello?

AHMED: Hello, may I speak to Gloria?

GLORIA: This is Gloria. Is this Ahmed? I was hoping you'd call.

AHMED: Yes, this is Ahmed...Would you like to have lunch today? Maybe at Baja Fresh?

GLORIA: Ahmed, I would love to. Can you pick me up at 12:30?

AHMED: All that and more is taken care of, my darling. Your chariot will await.


(A phone rings. Sean wakes, sits up on the couch, and picks up the phone.)

SEAN: Hello? Hello? No, there's no Paul here. I think you have the wrong number.

(Sean hangs up, and writes "Curiouser and curiouser" on his arm. He glances at the coffee table, and sees a champagne cork. Holding the cork, Sean picks up the phone and dials.)

SEAN: Hello, is Ahmed there? Oh, right, he's at lunch. OK, just tell him that McGirk called. Thanks.

(Sean picks up a half-full glass of flat champagne in front of him, and downs it. He lays back down on the couch to go to sleep, and knocks the receiver off its cradle. As "If you'd like to make a call..." emanates from the phone, the curtain falls.)


1 Comment

Having some measure of involvement in the events on which this play is based, I can't overemphasize how odd the whole situation was. Awkward planning for a Baja Fresh lunch in LA (back when it didn't even exist in Berkeley), drunk people with their entire mouths over their champaign glasses, ugly straight guys slobbering on girls, ugly gay guys slobbering on girls, writing a phone number many times on my arm (partly to stay sane).
Even though some of the aforementioned things weren't in your play, and although I don't talk about these things at length; anyone can gather that A. the situation was odd, and B. the line between funny and sad had been smudged beyond recognition. I was walking around with tears in my eyes and a laugh in my gut.

February 2012
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
      1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29      

About This Site

Sean Keane on Tumblr

Sean Keane Comedy Dot Com
Short posts, better name-branding

Backup Blog

Friends and Associates

San Francisco Comedy

Fine Sporting Websites

Local Bands


Sean Keane's Internet Famousness

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on June 13, 2003 3:40 AM.

goodbye is not a good enough word, so i'll just say fare thee well was the previous entry in this blog.

the best albums of 2002 list is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Powered by Movable Type 5.04