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Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.
Full-time work and a romantic relationship make Zembla a dull blog.

Baja Fresh

A play by Sean Keane

SCENE 1

(Phone rings)

GLORIA: Hello?

AHMED: (on other end of line) Hi. This is Ahmed.

GLORIA: Who?

AHMED: Um, Ahmed. From Cal...

GLORIA: Oh, right. (Pause)

AHMED: Anyway, it's Sunday today, and I thought you might want to have lunch...

GLORIA: Ahmed, can I be honest with you? This is odd.

AHMED: I see. I just thought that...well, this was a mistake.

GLORIA: (silence)

SCENE 2

(Phone rings. Ahmed wakes, sits up in bed. Answering machine picks up.)

AHMED: (on tape) Hello, you've reached 649-9974. Please leave your name, number, and a brief yet thorough message, and I'll call you back. (Beep.)

SEAN: (on tape) Hi, Ahmed. This is Sean, and I'm calling from New York. I don't know if you realize it or not, but Sunday is just two days away. You have to call Gloria for lunch, remember? I don't know about you, but I think this is odd.

(Ahmed writes "Sunday" on his left arm.)

SCENE 3

(Brendan is sitting with his entire mouth around the top of a wine glass.)

SEAN: (to Brendan) With every subsequent moment that passes, my life becomes increasingly surreal. I don't know if I'm going crazy, or if the world truly is changing. Plus, the border between "funny" and "sad" is growing more and more blurry...half of the time, I can't tell whether I should be laughing at everything I see or hear, or if I should just be constantly crying. Maybe I just need more sleep.

BRENDAN: I really like sorority girls.

SUSANNA: For the last time, I'm Portuguese. Portuguese, dammit!

SEAN: Every moment.

(A piece of bread from offstage bounces off of Brendan's forehead. He covers his face effeminately.)

SEAN: Get a hold of yourself, Jerk McGirk!

SCENE 4

(The phone rings. Gloria wakes, sits up, and picks up the phone)

GLORIA: Hello? Hello? Hello? (She hangs up.) How odd.

(Gloria distractedly scrawls "Baja Fresh" on her arm.)

SCENE 5

(Answering machine tape is running)

SEAN: (on tape) ...so, later today, you're going to call her, and be worried about her reaction and everything, and no matter what she says, you're going to be obsessed with how odd the whole situation is. Try to focus. Concentrate on the lunch, on romance. It's the only way. That being said, the whole thing is pretty weird.

SCENE 6

("I Saw Her Standing There" plays in the background. Ahmed is dialing.)

GLORIA: (on other end of call) Hello?

AHMED: Hello, may I speak to Gloria?

GLORIA: This is Gloria. Is this Ahmed? I was hoping you'd call.

AHMED: Yes, this is Ahmed...Would you like to have lunch today? Maybe at Baja Fresh?

GLORIA: Ahmed, I would love to. Can you pick me up at 12:30?

AHMED: All that and more is taken care of, my darling. Your chariot will await.

SCENE 7

(A phone rings. Sean wakes, sits up on the couch, and picks up the phone.)

SEAN: Hello? Hello? No, there's no Paul here. I think you have the wrong number.

(Sean hangs up, and writes "Curiouser and curiouser" on his arm. He glances at the coffee table, and sees a champagne cork. Holding the cork, Sean picks up the phone and dials.)

SEAN: Hello, is Ahmed there? Oh, right, he's at lunch. OK, just tell him that McGirk called. Thanks.

(Sean picks up a half-full glass of flat champagne in front of him, and downs it. He lays back down on the couch to go to sleep, and knocks the receiver off its cradle. As "If you'd like to make a call..." emanates from the phone, the curtain falls.)

THE END

This is a story I wrote when I was 16, presented with minor alterations in spelling and grammar, etc.

Princess Big-Nose

Once upon a time there lived a young girl who everyone agreed was nearly a perfect princess. She had long flaxen hair and deep sapphire eyes. She could ride horses, swim, cook, sew, and even hunt with the best of her father's court. She could speak and write in three different languages. Men and women all over the kingdom spoke of her poise and grace, but each compliment invariably ended with, "in spite of her nose."

It was impossible to ignore her nose. It protruded from the center of her face like some weather-beaten crag off the side of a cliff. Far from being cute and petite, her nose had more bumps and divots than the thirteenth hole at the royal links. The nose's crowning centerpiece was a large discolored wart.

Her father, King Henry, tried in vain to shelter her, his only daughter, from shame and embarrassment about her inglorious proboscis. To point at, stare at, or comment about the nose was expressly forbidden. Of course, the laws only served to make the princess more self-conscious than ever. Everywhere she went, she thought she heard whispering about her nose. She took to wearing veils in public, eventually becoming so self-conscious that she stayed in her quarters all the time, leaving only for meals and solitary horseback rides.

Since she was his only heir, the old king was anxious to see the princess married before he died. As his health declined, the king's efforts to find her a suitor increased. On the eve of her twenty-first birthday, despite the princess' protests, King Henry assembled a large group of bachelor princes in the Great Hall. From these, he hoped to find a suitable husband.