Game Journal
Pittsburgh Steelers at Denver Broncos
Point Spread: Denver -3
Over/Under: 41.5
Pre-game
We start with a dramatic intro read by...ex-NFL defensive end and current old man, Deacon Jones. I realize that, while I can discuss at length the relative merits of National League shortstops of the 1930's, my knowledge of football history does not begin until The Catch. But by all accounts, Deacon Jones was a stud. He does alright here, though he's no Don Cheadle. My favorite part comes when he slips in a completely gratuitous potshot at Peyton Manning.
Deacon Jones gives way to a live shot of Invesco Field in denver, where the fans are waving the least-intimidating props I've ever seen. Orange pom-poms don't make me think the Broncos are out for blood.
The normally-excited Phil Simms warns both teams to stay calm, and resist giving in to the excitement of being but oen game away from the Super Bowl. As a sequel to last week's pink shirt, Simms is wearing a pink tie.
Jim Nantz and Simms assert that Jake Plummer's critics are just waiting for him to stumble, and that they will continue to await his failures until he wins a Super Bowl. It's interesting that Plummer's name is associated with interceptions, because at the beginning of his career, he was known for his fourth-quarter excellence and frequent comebacks. Simms says that the Broncos love Plummer because he shuns publicity and media attention.
With all the attention given to Plummer's long hair and unruly beard during this post-season, I find it interesting that no one mentions that the look is a tribute to college teammate Pat Tillman, especially given the NFL's usual enthusiasm for any tie-ins with the military. Perhaps that's because Tillman is no longer an ideal hero for the war on terror, once the facts about his death, and the government's cover-up came out. And while Plummer might shun publicity, he didn't shy away from ripping the government's treatment of the Tillman story.
That was a digression.
UPS Game Points:
1) Box Office Blitz: Both teams are going to blitz a lot. "Box office blitz" was the best blitz-related phrase they could find? Is this because the Sundance Film Festival is going on in a neighboring state?
2) Pressure Cooker Kicker: A kicker might have to make an important kick, and "kicker" sounds like cooker".
Those Game Points were so bad, I'm sending some packages Fed Ex out of spite.
Sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein is wearing a leopard-print fur hat and a crazy, Kati Vol-esque scraf that looks like it's made out of Muppet. Her hair looks blonder than last week, but it might just be sunnier today. She tells us Jerome Bettis made a speech about getting him to the Super Bowl. Inspiring.
The team has added Armen Keteyian to the sideline, much to the delight of Simms. Armen tells us that Mike Holmgren made "the speech of the year" before the game, which consisted of...making fun of his players. Armen gives us excerpts:
"You defensive linemen from Cleveland, you're all busts."
"Todd Sauerbrun, no one wanted you."
"John Lynch, you're like 80 - why are you still playing?"
Reportedly this did not make anyone cry. Rather, it make them realize the "lack of respect" shown to Denver all year. Nantz agrees that the "lack of respect" message often works.
Five Broncos made it to the Pro Bowl, including the aforementioned Lynch. The Broncos were favored against the defending champs last week, and they're favored again today. Were any teams adequately respected this year? Maybe the 1-15 Texans? I can still imagine David Carr standing up in the locker room after the Reggie Bush Bowl and declaring, "Nobody gave us a chance at the first pick in the draft. What do you say now, unbelievers? Two and fourteen, baby!"