This is Big Game Week, the run-up to the yearly football game between Cal and Stanford. It's Good vs. Evil, Bears vs. Cardinal, Berkeley vs. Palo Alto, Public vs. Private, California University vs. Stansbury, Sean vs. Geetika & Omar. Though I may be touching off an internecine struggle in the apartment, I would like to hereby declare that Cal has by far the superior mascot to Stanford, and in fact, the greatest mascot in the whole Pac-10 Conference.
It's no secret that I love Oski, Cal's ursine mascot. I've worked with him on a few occasions, and he's always a professional, though not much of a talker. He does it all. The slow walk with his hands held behind his back. The fist pump. And, of course, doing shots through a tube running through the eye of the costume:
Let's take a look at Oski's competition:
Arizona Wildcats:
Quite an original choice. After all, there's only 35, 40 other schools with that exact mascot. "Wildcats" is the name you end up with when you are too dumb or lazy to come up with your own idea. At the Arizona Wildcats video arcade, all the high scores read "AAA", and every VCR clock flashes 12:00.
In addition, the fearsome wildcat weighs in at 3-8 kilograms, a fearsome threaten to small birds and unattended saucers of milk all over the Pac 10. Still tougher than Stanford's mascot, however.
Arizona State Sun Devils:
Here's the origin story for the Arizona State mascot, via Wikipedia:
The nickname was said to have come from an article in the newspaper in which the writer said the quote "Lets call them Sun Devils," and the name eventually caught on the with the university.
Thrilling stuff! Of course, Hell is somewhat lacking when it comes to natural sunlight. With his sun-ravaged face and history of thuggish football programs, some would say new Head Coach Dennis Erickson is the true sun devil.
USC Trojans:
Who won the Trojan War? (Hint: Not the Trojans.)
By the way, it's always bad news for the Trojans when anyone sleeps withParis.
UCLA Bruins:
For one, UCLA is merely copycatting Berkeley, as they have with their colors, their fight song, and the lack of decent Mexican restaurants in Westwood. Secondly, they've chosen "Bruin", an archaic name for bears that dates back to the medieval folktales about Reynard the Fox. In these stories, Bruin is a bear that gets repeatedly tricked by a fox, which is a good metaphor for Karl Dorrell's coaching style.
Washington Huskies:
"Husky" is what you call jeans for fat little boys.
Washington State Cougars:
If you've ever spent time drinking in San Francisco's Marina District, you know that you need to be wary of cougars. From this name, we can assume that Pullman, WA is even worse. These 35-and-over women are on the prowl, and they're looking for younger men. Cougars are certainly intimidating, but in a slightly different way than you want your school's mascot to be.
Oregon State Beavers:
That's dirty.
Oregon Ducks:
That's Donald Duck in the Fighting Ducks logo. He's the perfect symbol for Oregon. Donald has Uncle Scrooge; Oregon has Nike CEO Phil Knight, who also likes to swim in a bin of gold coins. In Donald's cartoons, he always gets off to a promising start before exploding into a fit of squawking anger. Oregon always starts strong before USC beats them, they get snubbed by the BCS, or their QB tears his ACL and gets replaced by Ryan Leaf's little brother, and the team implodes in a fit of squawking anger. Then they lose the Holiday Bowl.
Stanford Cardinal:
Stanford's mascot is the worst of the bunch. It's a tree, ostensibly because the campus is in Palo Alto ("Tall tree"), itself a lazy name for a city. The mascot is a big goofy tree that jumps around and dances. Due to the shame of wearing the costume, many wearers drink heavily.
If your son or daughter had an imaginary friend like that - googly eyes, floppy branches, hangs out with a bunch of rich douchebags all the time - you'd yell at them and demand they come up with an imaginary friend who was less of a loser. The Tree comes out dead last in the Pac-10 by my analysis, and it doesn't fare much better in a fight:
The Heuristic Squelch Comedy Experience is happening for the third time this fall, on Wednesday, December 5th, at Blake's on Telegraph in Berkeley. I know that with Kevin Avery, Sheng Wang, Alex Koll, Joe Tobin, and Kevin O'Shea, the show is going to be amazing, but it's nice to see that the media has taken notice as well.
It's on Page 17 of the print edition, or you can read it online here.
Please note that I was a "maverick" English major at Cal, not simply a "poor" English major,as some believe.
You might be asking yourself, "Sean, after this unprecedented local media interest in your comedy, what's next for you?" The answer is, staying humble, keeping my eyes on the prize, taking things one day at a time, and continuing to give 110% every night up there on the stage. I'll be giving 115% on Wednesday, December 19th at the Pleasanton Hotel (Side note: contrary to popular opinion, getting booked on Wednesday nights is the real sign that you've arrived in the comedy biz.)
January 8th marks my first SF comedy production, with a show at 12 Galaxies called "Six Feet or Taller". You can see some of the Bay Area's tallest comics perform, starting at 9 PM. Reggie Steele headlines, along with Sal Calanni, Brendan Lynch, Kevin Munroe, Caitlin Gill, and Marcella Arguello, while I host the damn thing, because I am discordantly short.
The official blurb for the Squelch show is after the jump.
Sunday was Veterans Day. Out of respect for the brave men and women who have served our country over the years, and not at all out of laziness and blog sloth, I have delayed my post about the holiday until today. Keep in mind that the official name is not Veteran's Day or Veterans' Day, but Veterans Day. There is some confusion on that, mainly due to Americans' total befuddlement when it comes to the proper use of apostrophes. I believe the day was originally "Veterans' Day", but when greeting card companies, newspapers, and everyone else kept messing it up, the government decided to ditch the apostrophe and pretend like they'd meant it that way all along. Honestly, it's as if the GI Bill had no effect on literacy whatsoever.
Veterans Day popped up after World War I, though it was originally known as Armistice Day. This reflected the hubris present at the end of World War I, originally known as the Great War, and the War To End All Wars. The official end came by the Treaty of Versailles (originally known as the Awesomeness Accord for Eternal Peace) at 11:11 on 11/11, and signed in a boxcar. People really believed that by making Germany sign the peace accord in humiliating fashion, on a super-memorable time and date, and fining the country five billion pounds, that would totally make those hostilities a thing of the past.
Hence, the holiday's name. It wasn't an armistice, it was the Armistice, the last armistice the world would ever need. No more war, ever, particularly not between those exact same nations in the exact same places in less than twenty years. Nothing good can come of such brazen arrogance, like buying a 24-pack of condoms after your third date with a woman, or when Dusty Baker let Russ Ortiz keep the game ball in Game 6 of the 2002 World Series. There's no way Germany would rebuild its military, or the girl would lose interest after Date #4, or Scott Spezio would hit a three-run home run off Felix Rodriguez, right?
The official change to "Veterans Day" came in 1956, accompanying by a proclamation that explained that the holiday was being expanded to honor veterans of all wars, and not just being changed because that armistice seemed really inconsequential after WWII. The proclamation might well have read, "Guess that 'To End All Wars' business was a crock, huh?"
Memorial Day, a holiday to honor dead soldiers, existed in various forms over a half-century before Veterans Day. Did American simply not care about military veterans until then? I believe that it wasn't so much a lack of respect for the military as it was that until the advent of antiseptic practices at the turn of the century, no one could really envision surviving a trip to the hospital, much less an entire war. The 1920's was the first time that there were significant numbers of surviving military personnel; until then, Memorial Day pretty much had it covered when it came to honoring people who'd served in the military.
So this year, Zembla hopes you treat all veterans with the respect and admiration that Giants general manager Brian Sabean exhibits when looking for free agents. And for God's sake, clean up that punctuation, America.
Sometimes, doing one's job well leads to a great feeling of pride. At other times, a workplace accomplishment only calls attention to how hollow that work you are doing truly is.
Just minutes ago, I noticed that the water cooler was empty, so I grabbed a replacement bottle. And not one of the wussy three-gallon bottles either. I went for the five-gallon monster. Go big or go home is my philosophy.
I stashed the empty bottle and heaved a new one onto the break room table. The lid came off with surprising ease. I lifted the bottle again, and deftly pitched it onto the water cooler base, and did not spill a single drop.
Normally, water splashes the wall, or sloshes onto the base. At the very least, a few stray drops hit the carpet. But this exchange was perfect. I looked around excitedly for someone who had witnessed this historic moment, but everyone was eating, or working, or at least pretending. I couldn't believe no one had seen it at all, especially since that meant it was extremely unlikely anyone had taped it.
I returned to my desk, flush with pride, only barely restraining myself from a self-high-five. And ten seconds later, the sadness of my pride sunk in. I had refilled a water cooler smoothly, and it was my proudest work accomplishment of the month. No one noticed how well I'd done it, and no one would have cared even if they had. And as I sat at my desk contemplating the state of my life, an attorney spilled water on the side of the cooler while attempting to fill the electric tea kettle, destroying all evidence of my feat.
There was one final spill: one tiny tear, from the corner of my right eye.
My interview with Last Comic Standing finalist Matt Kirshen is up on SFStandup.com. He'll be headlining at the Punchline Wednesday-Saturday this week, performing with Cal alums and local favorites Louis Katz and Sheng Wang. (Sheng will also be a part of the next Heuristic Squelch Comedy Experience on December 5th, and he's doing a free show at Downtown Joe's in Napa this Sunday night at 9:30.)
Mr. Kirshen is an Englishman, and more importantly, a Baby Face, so do check out the interview:
Thanks to the magic of Meebo, I get to have a lot of interesting conversations with strangers who wander across my page. Here is one of those:
I Hate Christopher Columbus: RANDOM PERSON I Hate Christopher Columbus: HII I Hate Christopher Columbus: Hello? I Hate Christopher Columbus: I have a question... I Hate Christopher Columbus: Aare you there? Zembla: Yes? Zembla: What's your question? I Hate Christopher Columbus: Do you have any more cruel facts about cristopher columus? Zembla: Are you doing a report? I Hate Christopher Columbus: Yes! Zembla: What kind of stuff do you need? I Hate Christopher Columbus: Well, its just a persuasive essay I Hate Christopher Columbus: I just need some more facts about slavery I think I Hate Christopher Columbus: and anything else you know I Hate Christopher Columbus: ... I Hate Christopher Columbus: Im trying to persuade people that he is a villain I Hate Christopher Columbus: And the draft is due tomorrow
Zembla: Here's a few good links: I Hate Christopher Columbus: 0.o Zembla: http://media.www.michigandaily.com/media/storage/paper851/news/2004/10/12/News/Columbus.Day.Sparks.Debate.Over.Explorers.Legacy-1425748.shtml Zembla: http://www.guardian.co.uk/spain/article/0,,1838823,00.html?gusrc=rss&feed=12 Zembla: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3184668.stm I Hate Christopher Columbus: Anything else?
Zembla: What grade are you in? I Hate Christopher Columbus: Um I Hate Christopher Columbus: 5th I Hate Christopher Columbus: GT Zembla: Nice Zembla: Well, good luck I Hate Christopher Columbus: Thanks alot... Zembla: I think the main thing is, Columbus didn't treat people very well I Hate Christopher Columbus: He's so mean! Zembla: And then there are some thing he did unintentionally: spreading disease, and making it possible for even worse explorers to follow him I Hate Christopher Columbus: I am going to teach other people about his cruelty I Hate Christopher Columbus: what was the disease that he spread? Zembla: Measles Zembla: Later, smallpox showed up Zembla: People in Europe had built up immunity to a lot of these diseases Zembla: But people in North America got overwhelmed I Hate Christopher Columbus: O
Zembla: Hey, can i ask how you found my page? Zembla: I am just curious I Hate Christopher Columbus: GOOGLE I Hate Christopher Columbus: I typed in evil christopher columbus
I Hate Christopher Columbus: He makes me angry... I Hate Christopher Columbus: He was greedy I Hate Christopher Columbus: Didn't discover America Zembla: When I was in elementary school, we were taught that Columbus was a big hero Zembla: I only learned the bad stuff much later I Hate Christopher Columbus: AND I Hate Christopher Columbus: I found out that a philosopher found out the earth was round I Hate Christopher Columbus: And the teachers were like teaching all this good stuff about him Zembla: Yeah, the Greeks knew the earth was round about 1500 years before Columbus I Hate Christopher Columbus: Hah Hah
I Hate Christopher Columbus: I dont like how he like, tests his blades on the Indians I Hate Christopher Columbus: And then he killes them for fun I Hate Christopher Columbus: FUN I Hate Christopher Columbus: Do you think he is in heaven? I Hate Christopher Columbus: Or hell? Zembla: Hmm I Hate Christopher Columbus: I think hell I Hate Christopher Columbus: Totally Zembla: Well, I personally don't believe in heaven or hell Zembla: But, as I understand it, it would depend on whether he repented for what he did I Hate Christopher Columbus: I sinned a lot
[18:04] Zembla: I think he would go to heaven if he believed in Jesus and asked forgiveness - I think that's the rules I Hate Christopher Columbus: ... I Hate Christopher Columbus: But killing is an even worse kind of sin I Hate Christopher Columbus: I think its called a mortal sin I Hate Christopher Columbus: And then there are the little ones I Hate Christopher Columbus: Called venail sins I Hate Christopher Columbus: I'm not sure if that's how you spell that I Hate Christopher Columbus: Veniel I Hate Christopher Columbus: Veneil Zembla: I don't know if i can help you on the subject of sins, unfortunately
I Hate Christopher Columbus: Do you know anything else Christopher THOUGHT he discovered? I Hate Christopher Columbus: Like how he thought he discovered the earth was round? Zembla: I think everyone already thought the earth was round I Hate Christopher Columbus: Well, yeah, but something like that Zembla: The people who thought he was making a mistake thought he was not sailing far enough Zembla: He thought India was a lot closer to Europe than it actually was I Hate Christopher Columbus: Ohh I Hate Christopher Columbus: Back to Google! Zembla: Good luck!
Things are getting crazy in Pakistan, something that is well-documented at legitimate internet news sources. The president of Pakistan, General Pervez Musharraf, declared a state of emergency, closing down private TV stations, suspending the constitution, cracking down on the judiciary branch, and imprisoning his opponents. This is bad for the Bush administration, who has made Pakistan a big ally in the war on terror and supported them with billions of dollars in aid. It's embarrassing because they're supposed to support democracy, and Musharraf is acting like a dictator.
However, it seems like Pakistan should be a Republican wet dream at this point. Militaristic, focused on the war on terror, president who wasn'tactually elected, power in the hands of religious fundamentalists, illegal abortions - Bush should be jealous. Add to that Musharraf's attacks on "activist judges" and the bonuses he awards for beating and imprisoning lawyers, and you would think Republicans would be drooling over the current state of affairs in Pakistan. Incidentally, the two people most prominently complaining about an activist judiciary in the past few days have been General Musharraf and presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
I don't know a lot about its internal politics, but I am not surprised that Pakistan has become violent, if only based on their bootleg DVDs. Yes, bootleg DVDs. The covers of black market DVDs of American films, in Pakistan, feature covers in which they imply far more violent content than their films contain. Or, as my friend reported after a trip to Karachi and many bootleg purchases, "Pakistani DVDs add guns."
Example: The Wedding Planner. As you can see above, the American, non-bootleg version is pretty innocuous. In the Pakistani version, a disembodied arm has been pasted in just below J-Lo's left shoulder, as if Matthew McConaughey was making her plan a wedding at gunpoint. Behind the couple, there is an ominous, shadowy figure holding a weapon. Finally, an automatic weapon points from the left side of the poster, pretty much floating in space.
What does this tell us about the international situation? One, we need to worry less about activist judges, and more about the activist MPAA, whose reactionary rating system apparently has held The Wedding Planner back from being something totally awesome. Two, the United States should devote some of its aid package to camera equipment, lighting, and high-end editing software. Like you wouldn't rent Lawyer Beatdown II: The Revenge? Finally, if the Bush Administration really wants to end this coup, they won't bother with wussy diplomats and negotiators. They'll send Matthew McConaughey, that shadowy dude behind him, and a whole lot of guns. This November: Plan on action!
(Amir Malekpour hosted the inaugural Baby Faces of Comedy showcase on Tuesday at 12 Galaxies. Amir has been recently making the leap in the world of stand-up comedy, placing second in the Twisted Biscuit competition and performing on multiple occasions at the Punchline in San Francisco. In addition, he's known as one of the nicest guys in the local comedy scene. Amir was nice enough to sit down with us this week to discuss his experiences with Baby Faces and comedy in general.)
Zembla: You were the host for the first (of many) Baby Faces of Comedy shows. How did you get involved with the show?
Amir: Soon after Joe Gorman had his historic discussion about Baby Faces with Dave Wiswell and yourself; he mentioned it to me at the SF Punchline and asked me to be in the show if it ever came into fruition. He liked my act and believed that I have a baby face; both of which I am very flattered by. Later on, I suggested that I host the show, so that there would be less of a burden on Joe. He could concentrate on other aspects, like killing in the show.
Zembla: Before Joe approached you, had you considered yourself to be a Baby Face?
Amir: That's a great question. I am not sure if I ever considered myself a true Baby Face. I mean, I definitely have boyish traits: my big cheeks, my shy personality, and boy-next-door qualities. And I definitely think I look younger than I am, provided that I am clean-shaven. One problem that did arise was that I started growing a goatee in weeks leading up to the show, and it was really helping me with the ladies. However, I decided to shave it for the good of Baby Faces, and ultimately, it was a decision I am glad I made.
Zembla: That is the biggest sacrifice I have heard of anyone making for the show. The goatee was looking sharp, by the way. Do you plan to regrow it now that Baby Faces is over?
Amir: Thank you for acknowledging the sacrifice, and that it looked sharp, because it definitely looked sharp, no doubt. I probably will experiment with other styles of facial hair such as the soul patch, handlebar, and the Fu Manchu before going back to the goatee. After shaving my goatee, I have a new legion of female fans that are into the Baby Face Amir, so I am definitely not hurting.
Zembla: There is a certainly a segment of the female population that goes wild for the baby face. How long does it take you to grow a goatee?
Amir: It really depends. For example, during spring and summer, it grows faster. The reason for this is that goatees get their power from the sun. When the temperature is warmer, they tend to grow faster. It's kind of backwards logic if you ask me, because you have more need for it to grow during cold periods. But I am not one to question evolution, or creation, or both.
Zembla: I can barely grow one at all, but I did notice, it got easier closer to the summer solstice. Did you alter or revise your material for the Baby Faces show?
Amir: I did not change any material for the show. I added a few jokes here and there, but I pretty much went with in with my best material that I knew had worked before. In my opinion - and I think most would agree - Baby Faces is a philosophy and an attitude more than anything. As long as your intentions are babyfaced and you have babyfacedness in your heart, then you won't have to alter anything. That is the way I approach life.
Zembla: I think the audience can sense that babyfacedness isn't about particular jokes; it's a state of mind. Any highlights of the show for you?/
Amir: I think being part of the show was a highlight in and of itself. I love working with friends such as yourself, Joe, Julian, Brent, Beata, and Jeff Cleary, all of whom I respect both as people and comedians. Also 12 Galaxies was very gracious, and of course, the audience was super.
Some of the major highlights for me were Julian showing us the sexy baby face, and your fantastic set to close out the first half. I really love your writing and your stand-up act and I had not heard your "middle-age open micer", which had me in stitches. I loved Beata's act because when she took the stage, the place erupted in noise from her fans. I love Joe Gorman's act and it was great to see him do a full set, especially when he closed with his "muffled noise through a pillow" joke, in front of his mom. And of course, Brent Weinbach closed it out and brought it home with his fantastic array of comedy styles, and showed us why he is considered one of the best comedians to come out of San Francisco. I also had a fantastic time doing my set and hosting. There are just too many more highlights to list.
Zembla: I love it when Joe's mom comes to shows. She once called me an "apple-cheeked young man" after a show at 50 Mason ( RIP) You've produced your own shows in the past - normally called Subterranean Comedy. How difficult is it to put on an event outside of the usual comedy club structure in SF? And, how does it compare to host one of these, as compared to running your own?
Amir: Say what you will about its political correctness, San Francisco is the best place to try to be original. There is a core audience here that is willing to spend the money and more importantly the time to seek out underground, non-mainstream comedy. The word "underground" gets thrown around a lot and kind of has turned into a mainstream idea. But when I say underground, I mean comedians who are just as good as anyone out there, but don't get to be seen because they have not been on TV or on the radio, or in the mainstream media.
There are definitely difficulties in running your own show because there are so many variables. You're in charge of booking a venue, getting an audience, booking the performers, advertising, while at the same time worrying about your own performance. The main difference between working clubs and putting on your own show is that you have more artistic freedom to try out new avenues of comedy and be more experimental. It has its own rewards, such as working with people you usually don't get to perform with, and trying out experimental material such as videos and short skits. Risks are, you're more likely to lose money, and since you have the responsibility to fill the place, you may not have a big audience. So far I've enjoyed doing the two [Subterranean] shows. I ended up losing money on both, but had a fantastic time performing in front of a large audience who really enjoyed themselves.
Zembla: Do you have any other shows coming up?
Amir: Its usually best to check www.AmirCat.com for updates of my schedule. However, this month I am doing a benefit for Toys For Tots at The San Jose Improv. Also please checkout for the next Subterranean comedy show in December.
(Note: The Subterranean show is normally at the Dark Room.)
Zembla: Ready for the lightning round?
Amir: Sure.
Zembla:: Who's your favorite comic of all time?
Amir: Tie between George Carlin and Woody Allen.
Zembla: Who is your favorite active performer? Outside of SF guys - we don't need any controversy. It's Arj Barker and Patton Oswalt for me.
Amir: The first set I ever did was 3 1/2 years ago, but in actuality, I didn't start performing standup regularly until a year later.
Zembla: What is your career highlight so far (Baby Faces aside)?
[16:26] AmirXtreme: My professional comedy highlight was opening for Sue Murphy. Comedy highlight overall was producing the first two Subterranean Comedy shows. (Baby Faces aside, of course.)
Zembla: Any final words on Baby Faces, or comedy in general?
Amir: Baby Faces was definitely one of the highlights of my comedy career as I got to work with awesome people who were really funny too, no joke. I think it's also important to recognize all the comedy fans that go to comedy show every week to watch us comedians. You can't have comedians without an audience that is gracious enough and willing to share their emotions with you.
I feel that San Francisco has the best audience because they are smart enough to laugh at intelligent comedy, and educated enough not to acknowledge unoriginal hackneyed material.
Zembla: Excellent, thanks for talking to us. Readers, enjoy "The Amir Supremacy" below:
I live in a hundred-year-old building in SF, which is normally quite nice. Recently, we were confronted with the reality of our twenty-five-year-old toilet when the tank began leaking. The broken piece was easily identifiable, but replacing it would require a flux capacitor and Yellow Pages from 1988, the last year said part was manufactured. Luckily, our flat has another half-bathroom, a half-bathroom in the most literal sense. The toilet is full-sized, but every other bathroom component would not be out of place in the penultimate scene of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (though not the director's cut).
The only solution was a full toilet replacement. So out went the old toilet and in came the new one. We got a sweet little Lamosa - I think it is a 2004 model.
The most notable difference in our new toilet is the sturdier seat. Our old seat was occasionally off-center, and thus, wobbly. I was never afraid of capsizing, but when you're at your most vulnerable, a small imbalance is quite unwelcome. The new seat won't wiggle even if you try to move it intentionally. The seat also seems to be slightly smaller, but it is entirely possible that my ass is simply bigger.
I tested the flush before anything else. Initially, I was apprehensive, because the flush volume appeared to be so low. However, it has so far got the job done. Of course, we'll see the toilet's true colors when it comes to crunch time: big Ethiopian food dinners, drinking binges, the morning after Thanksgiving. Inspector 405 vouches for it.
The low-volume flush is an element of the device's general increased efficiency. It's like going from a big Cadillac to a mid-size Toyota sedan. It is possible that our new toilet is a hybrid. At the very least, it runs on natural gas.
The whole thing has a smaller footprint than the old one, which you can clearly see below. I'm not sure how we will take advantage of the extra floor space this has opened up for us. Maybe a tasteful new rug, or an extra tenant.
Before taking a test-drive, I got under the hood and looked around. It is a pretty simple arrangement, certainly simpler than the previous, medieval-Rube-Goldberg-with-autism mechanics of the old john. No part resembles a dinosaur bone, which is certainly a positive.
I wanted to make my first time with the toilet special. I kept the overhead light off, lit some candles, and started eating more fruit. For music, I decided on Pearl Jam's Release. In general, it was a very positive, gentle experience, but I don't want to go into it any further. A gentleman does not piss and tell.
Geetika wanted to name the toilet, and we finally settled on Troy the Toilet, both for alliteration and the idea that we would be implicitly defecating on the University of Southern California every time we visited the bathroom. Naturally, our other toilet would be named after USC's ostensible starting quarterback, John David Booty. I'm trying to teach myself to fart "Fight On", but so far, no luck.
