Baby Faces of Comedy Tour
12 Galaxies
2565 Mission Street, SF
October 30th, 2007
9 PM, $8

Over a decade ago, Axl Rose began work on Guns N' Roses' sixth studio album, tentatively titled Chinese Democracy. Through ten years, two tours, countless song leaks, $13 million in production costs, and numerous personnel changes, the mythical album remains unfinished and unreleased. Shaquille O'Neal rapped on one track. Brian May played guitar on another. Slash was fired as lead guitarist and replaced with a guy named Buckethead, who only performs while wearing a white mask and an empty KFC bucket over his head. He was in turn fired, and replaced by a guy named Bumblefoot. After all this time, Chinese Democracy is nothing more than a title, and many question whether it will ever reach the public.

For a long time, the San Francisco comedy community had its own version of Chinese Democracy. Young, fresh-faced Joe Gorman would tell anyone who would listen about his brilliant plan for a comedy showcase: a lineup made up of only comics with youthful, child-like features. Spike Lee made The Original Kings of Comedy. Patton Oswalt has The Comedians of Comedy. This would follow in their footsteps as the Baby Faces of Comedy Tour.

Even babyfaced comedians themselves doubted that this project was ever going to become a reality. As a chubby, rosy-faced 28-year-old, carded at every bar I visit, I was a natural for the show, and often discussed logistics with Gorman. Still, as small comedy clubs folded around the city, and Gorman struggled with graduation, housing problems, long nights of drinking, extremely short women, and, most damaging of all, gainful employment, I figured Baby Faces would be one of those things people talked about but never did. Like using dental dams, or doing pilates.

But now, the Babyfaces of Comedy Tour is about to become a reality. Tuesday night at 9 PM, at 12 Galaxies, the Babyfaces of Tour kicks off. The fresh-faced lineup:

Brent Weinbach is one of the most talented and original comedians in the Bay Area. He has performed at Coachella and as part of the Comedians of Comedy Tour, although we all know that Baby Faces is his real meal ticket.

Joe Gorman is a recent college graduate with the cherubic face of a recent driving school graduate. He's a fixture on the local scene and the founder of Baby Faces of Comedy. In addition, Joe's mother once referred to me as an "apple-cheeked young man" after a show, and his cousin Callie and I are Facebook friends.

Julian Vance is a regular at the SF Punchline, where he has opened for Dave Chappelle. He also works at Peet's, where he has served Dave Chappelle coffee. Julian is a good-looking kid with a bright future, a winning thumbs-up, and a brilliant new joke about bukkake that he can't tell anywhere.

Sean Keane is criminally underappreciated.

Jane Haze has performed all over San Francisco, Tacoma, Memphis, and the American Ambassador to Germany’s House in Berlin. Comedy insider Kori Ono calls Haze, "a bad influence or possibly under the influence. Most likely both." She wears a lot of caps, but there hasn't been a cap yet made that can disguise a true Baby Face. As I tell all the kids I mentor, you're only truly incognito while wearing a ski mask.

Beata Bakhtiari was a member of She Bam at UC Santa Cruz, which is an all-female comedy group. Though she did go to UCSC, Beata does not appear to be a hippie. She owns her own lemonade stand and her first name is misspelled on all the fliers for this show. I can't find much other biographical information on Beata online, so please enjoy an amusing comic, Octopus, Octopus drawn by Beata's friend and fellow She Bammer Emily Heller.

Amir Malekpour has gotten rid of his decidedly adult-faced beard just in time to host the world-premiere Baby Faces show. Malekpour has performed at the Punchline and Rooster T. Feathers, and placed second in this year's prestigious Twisted Biscuit competition. You can find his videos here.