(Read Part One)
Because America has spoken, politely and respectfully, and demanded it, here is another excerpt from the soon-to-be-blockbuster story of Henry David Thoreau and wife.
The Wedding Night
Wife: Henry David, what a lovely ceremony that was!
Thoreau: Indeed! Oh, wife, what a blessed union of true hearts has been made on this day!
Wife: We have such lovely conversations, Henry David.
Thoreau: It is my hope that our intercourse might go forward to something better than the intercourse of sages.
Wife: (Pause) Look, I know not what kind of girl you thought you were marrying...
Thoreau: Oh! No, wife, by "intercourse" I was referring to conversation, not to... (Wife glares) Let me get you something to drink to calm your temperment.
Wife: Is it going to be water from the Pond?
Thoreau: (Pause) Maybe?
Thoreau: I can't believe you paid my tax!
Wife: But, dear...
Thoreau: I cannot support giving monies to our government when those monies go to support a war against the free people of Mexico! I know I have explained to you countless times that this armed conflict has nary a purpose but to advance the deplorable institution of slavery across our border!
Wife: But, dear, we are having supper with the Emersons...
Thoreau: Better that I had stayed in my cell, disobeying the unjust, nay, immoral laws than to become a party to this action.
Wife: But, dear, Mrs. Emerson has made her award-winning huckleberry pie.
Thoreau: I still agree not with the... huckleberry pie, you say?
Wife: Yes, dear. Two of them.
Thorea: Wife, I am sorry to have spouted off like such an angry teakettle. Quickly! We shall just have time for a quick bathe in the Pond before supper.
The Day Off
(Wife returns from market)
Wife: Good afternoon, Henry David!
Thoreau: How was the marketing, my dear? (Takes sack of provisions out of her hands and places it on the table)
Wife: It was quite agreeable, thank you. How was your day off from laboring?
Thoreau: Oh, it was remarkable! I happened upon an anthill in my stroll about the Pond. Alongside, there was a colony of red ants engaged in a struggle with their black counterparts. The drama, the bravery, the courage those ants exhibited, why, it was as exciting as a war of men! Truly, it was an echo of the grand struggles so many years ago at Lexington and Concord!
Wife: That sounds...interesting. How else did you occupy your afternoon?
Thoreau: How else? What else would provide such sheer drama as a wounded red ant, still doggedly attaching his mandibles to the thorax of a black ant, refusing to succumb even in its death throes! Not even when I brought the ants into the house to observe them with a looking glass did their fierce battle cease.
Wife: You brought the ants into the house?
Thoreau: One never knows what chivalry, what heroism exists beneath our very feet!
Wife: So you didn't do the dishes?
Thoreau: Yes, the unobservant... oh, the dishes! They...um...slipped my mind...
Wife: This is the third time this week! I am sick and tired of your... (Spots ants crawling on table) Oh! My maple syrup!
Thoreau: (Staring at ants, transfixed) Fascinating!