It's been a disappointing season for the San Francisco Giants, but perhaps most disappointing for pitcher Matt Cain. On Tuesday night, Cain again pitched well, giving up only two runs in seven innings of work, but the Giants still lost, 6-4, as the bullpen gave up four runs in the ninth inning. Cain has an ERA of 3.65, tenth in the National League, and yet his record is 7-16. It's all due to a lack of run support from his offense. However, as shown below, Matt Cain is no stranger to a lack of support.
The New Bike
Matt Cain: Hey mom, where's my bike?
Mom: I'm so sorry, honey, it got repossessed.
Matt: But I mowed lawns all summer to buy that bike! Dad said if I earned half the money for it, he's pay the other half.
Mom: Your father never sent a check this month, honey. And without child support...
Matt: But they had to take my bike?
Mom: Your father also owed Barry Zito a lot of money.
Making Out
Matt's high school girlfriend: Yes, Matt, yes. Kiss me!
Matt: Hey, why does your bra feel so stiff? What gives?
Matt's high school girlfriend: Do you mean the underwire?
Matt: Yeah! Is that like a medical brace or something?
Matt's high school girlfriend: No, it's just a support garment.
Matt: A su-what garment?
Matt's high school girlfriend: A support bra. You know, it supports my breasts?
Matt: Look, if you've got scoliosis, just tell me.
The Accident
Doctor: Mrs. Cain, Matt was in a bad crash yesterday. He stopped breathing briefly after the accident, and, well, we're not sure if he'll ever regain consciousness again.
Mrs. Cain: Oh God! He's so young!
Doctor: I'm very sorry, ma'am.
Mrs. Cain: Are you saying, you're considering taking him off life support?
Doctor: Life support! I knew we forgot something!
The New House
Architect: I don't know what happened, Matt. The ceiling just collapsed.
Matt: What was holding it up?
Architect: I dunno, some kind of beam, I forget the specific kind.
Matt: (picks up piece of rotten lumber) Is this the wood you were using? This is old and brittle, and it looks like it could fall apart at any moment. And why does this 2x4 have "Rich Aurilia" written on the side? This one says "Ryan Klesko".
Architect: To be fair, those were all part of very successful buildings in the mid-to-late 90s.
The Internet Connection
Matt: Hello, Tech Support? My internet connection is down.
Tech Support: Well, what do you expect? Your whole infrastructure is old and slow.
Matt: I don't have any control over that. Can you just fix this problem?
Tech Support: Tell you what. I'll send Brian Wilson down to deal with it.
Matt: Is that a good idea?
Brian Wilson: Sorry, Matt, I accidentally set the router on fire.
