At the Seanukkah Show on Wednesday night, we were lucky enough to have guest sets from a few out-of-town comics. In addition to Panorama City's own Jerry Johnson, Santa Claus himself did a set. As you might expect, he killed. Why is Santa such a dynamic performer? because he's got a ton of stage presents. Here are some highlights from his set:
"Santa isn't so sure about the effort to 'go green'. After all, can you put wind power in the toe of a naughty child's stocking? Can you wrap up solar power in a package for a disobedient young boy? No, no you can't."
"All of you think that you're on the nice list because you live in San Francisco, and you're liberal, and you phone banked for Obama. Well, think again. You better HOPE someone else gets you a present, because Santa is not having it. SANTA voted for John McCain. Santa shares certain similarities with John McCain. Mrs. Claus is a bit of an ice queen. And Santa is almost as old as John McCain.
"One foggy Christmas Eve, Santa once called her a cunt. There were no milk and cookies that year for Santa."
"What's the deal with leaving out milk for Santa Claus? Yes, when you've been busting your ass delivering presents all night, tired and thirsty, what you really want is a thick glass of milk. A glass of room temperature milk that's been sitting out for hours. Gee thanks. Santa REALLY appreciates that."
"Who's definitely on the Naughty List this year is Frosty the Snowman. That guy has a serious problem with cocaine. Let me tell you - that corncob pipe is not for tobacco. It's for crack. Also, they claim that there was magic in an old silk hat that made Frosty dance around? No, that was cocaine. He goes into the bathroom and does a bumpety bump bump bumpety bump bump, and then look at Frosty go!
"Actually, he just got out of rehab for the third time. We want to be optimistic about his reocvery, but the children know, he'll be back again someday."