June 2007 Archives

The LA Times says that the Timberwolves and the Lakers were discussing a possible three-team (or more) trade that would bring Kevin Garnett to the Lakers. I was skeptical from the start.

The rumor involved a deal with both Indiana and Boston, yet not a single Caucasian player was headed to either city. Look, Larry Bird and Danny Ainge love white players. The Celtics almost threw up a whitewash a few years ago. Bird gave Golden State a playoff berth this year by trading for Troy Murphy AND Mike Dunleavy. On purpose!

It's still possible that the Lakers could get Jermaine O'Neal, but if so, I want to see more realistic trade packages. How about Vlad Radmanovic heading to Indianapolis instead of Lamar Odom? Then, the Pacers could potentially have a starting front court of Murphy, Vlad Rad, and Dunleavy - the softest, slowest, jump-shootingest collection of big men in NBA history.

The newest Garnett rumor has Shawn Marion heading to Boston, and Kevin Garnett heading to Phoenix. There are some permutations to the deal, including the involvement of the Atlanta Hawks or Charlotte Bobcats, but it appears that Boston and Phoenix are the key players. This deal is much more likely to happen because of one man: Pat Burke.

Pat Burke is a 33-year-old reserve center for Phoenix, and the first Irish-born basketball player to make it to the NBA. He's the captain of the Irish national basketball team, which probably rivals the Jamaican bobsled team in terms of its suitability for international competition. If you put Pat in Boston, every pale-faced, freckled, borderline-alcoholic shamrock-tattooed Celtics fan (that's like 65% of the fanbase) would run out to buy a Burke jersey the very next day. Black players might not want to come to Boston, but Burke might play for free for the kind of adulation he'd receive in Boston. If the Suns could include Eric Piatkowski or famed Kiwi Sean Marks in the deal, this could be a blockbuster whitewash of Tom Sawyerian proportions.

Best of all, the Suns have two late-first-round draft choices to sweeten the deal, the perfect place to take a flyer on a college Caucasian like Josh McRoberts or Nick Fazekas.

Look, Danny Ainge has helped build two NBA champions already, helping the Pistons acquire Rasheed Wallace in 2004 and the Miami Heat pick up Antoine Walker in 2005. He might as well help out Phoenix, since the Celtics won't be anywhere near a championship anytime soon. Why not put together a team that's popular in Southie and makes fans feel like they're time-traveling to the 1950's?

Besides, Greg Ostertag wants to make a comeback. Embrace the precision chest passes, the blocked layups, and the sunburns, and make this thing happen, Ainge. Then, when the Celtics finish with the NBA's worst record, they can use next year's top pick on Kevin Love.

(Scene: Sleep Train Pavilion, Concord. Chris Isaak has left the stage, Stevie Nicks has not yet taken the stage. A John Mayer song plays over the PA system.)

(Chris approaches Davey and places his hand on Davey's leg.)

Chris: I don't know if I've told you this before, but...your body is a wonderland, Davey.

Davey: Look, as far as you're concerned, my body is a Never Never Land.

Sean: Yes, because over the years, it's been inhabited by a lot of lost boys.

Only once a year do I get to break out my Flag Day material, and then it goes back into mothballs for another 364 days.

My favorite thing about flags is that it unites different communities. The two groups that embrace flags most are gays, and the military. Traditionally on different sides, June 14th is the time both can find common ground. Flying the flag. Wearing their hair short. Working out.

In her own way, Betsy Ross was the original flag hag.

Mexico has an EAGLE eating a SNAKE while standing on a CACTUS. Badass. It's so badass that even the thing the eagle is perched on is a badass. The Mexican flag should be airbrushed onto the back of a black tank top. It's the flag equivalent of a guitar solo.

This flag could only be more badass if it was a T-Rex biting an alligator that was attacking a shark swimming through an oil fire, and the whole thing was surrounded by barbed wire.

You never hear about anyone burning a Mexican flag. I'm not even sure that flag would ignite. It would just give you a dirty look and shank you.

Meanwhile, the Canadian flag is a delicate maple leaf. The Mexican flag says, "Just try it, ese." Meanwhile, Canada's flag says, "We love pancakes." The US flag says, "We can fit a bunch more stars up here. Don't think we won't make Iraq a state."

News: Flag sales going up!

"I am an American and proud to be one," [Richard Marshall] said, adding that the 9/11 attacks made flag-flying more important.

Of all the things you could take away from 9/11, that's the one Richard Marshall focuses on. God, if only he'd hung that flag across the back window of his pickup truck a month earlier. Maybe those towers would still be standing.

Courtesy of Nathan, here is a tattoo that really speaks to me:

Guess His Favorite Color

Thoughts:

- I bet this guy feels symbolic every day.
- When he looks at the television, he's never, ever going to see himself staring right back at him.
- We all want to get big tattoos, yeah but, we got different reasons for that.
- Maybe it's not as big as this one, but someone, somewhere has a tattoo of Chris Barron, lead singer of Spin Doctors.

A few weeks ago, I attended the Beer & Oyster Festival at Fort Mason. It's an interesting combination, based on signature items served by the sponsor, O'Reilly's Irish Pub & Restaurant. My friend Annie wondered if you could have a festival for any delicious, unhealthy items you might combine. The Whiskey & Dumplings Festival. The Marijuana & Pizza Festival. It's much like the approach taken by Food & Wine Magazine, which has to have the best employee perks in the world, outside of Cocaine & Blowjob Magazine.

As Annie and I continued our discussion, a staffer hung a sign announcing that the water booth was now serving fudge.

The festival featured a variety of entertainment to go along with the oysters and libations. When we arrived, the stage was full of Irish dancers. I enjoy Irish dancing because it's an art form that recognizes the rhythmic limitations of the Irish people. Why pretend that the Irish, or white people in general, have any abilities regarding moving their lower bodies in time with a beat?

The Irish have decided not to tempt fate by attempting to move their torsos. The dance takes place entirely between the knees and feet, with occasional arm movements for emphasis. It makes sense. Paraplegics don't still try to do track and field. They develop their own athletic disciplines. Irish dancing is the quad rugby of dance.

Similar dancing took place when the headlining act took the stage. When Flogging Molly played, revelers "danced" by jogging in place, and kind of kicking their feet backwards. The style combined limited ability with unprovoked, erratic violence. And if that doesn't say, "Ireland", I don't know what does.

Flogging Molly is a band that follows the classic Irish band name formula of (Violent Act + Stereotypical Irish Name). The Dropkick Murphys used the same model. Next year's festival will feature the band Knuckle Sandwich O'Malley, opening for Savage Thrashing of Seamus, with a special guest appearance by Shooting Bono In The Back Of The Head With a Potato Gun. Their music may not sound like much, but you won't want to miss the dancing, or the fudge.

Omar and Sean discuss Game 5 of the Cavs-Pistons series

Omar: Is Lebron really that great?
Omar: Or is Flip Saunders just that bad....

Sean: Sort of...both?
Sean: Yeah, just single-cover Lebron
Sean: What's he gonna do - score the last 25 points of the game himself?
Omar: The Chris Webber / Flip Saunders combo
Omar: Is just lethal

Sean: It's like if Rex Grossman played quarterback for Marty Schottenheimer
Omar: Those might cancel each other out
Omar: Schottenheimer would have Rex quick kick on 3rd downs, and hand off to Benson or whatever on 1st and 2nd
Sean: Marty might actually have the perfect philosophy for the Bears
Sean: I was going to say, "It's like Dusty Baker managing the Cubs" except that actually happened
Omar: ...Yes

Inspired by this post, here's a memory from my college years. Millionaire Ron Unz had sponsored a ballot initiative to revamp/eliminate bilingual education in California, and his supporters were holding a rally on campus. To advertise, they'd placed flyers on the back of all the seats in Wheeler Auditorium.

"ENGILISH ONLY!!!"

Even if you overlook the three exclamation points, a level of grammatical hysteria usually reserved for naive children's letters to Santa or ISO posters, that's just not going to cut it.

Proposition 227 passed anyway.