A few weeks ago, I attended the Beer & Oyster Festival at Fort Mason. It's an interesting combination, based on signature items served by the sponsor, O'Reilly's Irish Pub & Restaurant. My friend Annie wondered if you could have a festival for any delicious, unhealthy items you might combine. The Whiskey & Dumplings Festival. The Marijuana & Pizza Festival. It's much like the approach taken by Food & Wine Magazine, which has to have the best employee perks in the world, outside of Cocaine & Blowjob Magazine.

As Annie and I continued our discussion, a staffer hung a sign announcing that the water booth was now serving fudge.

The festival featured a variety of entertainment to go along with the oysters and libations. When we arrived, the stage was full of Irish dancers. I enjoy Irish dancing because it's an art form that recognizes the rhythmic limitations of the Irish people. Why pretend that the Irish, or white people in general, have any abilities regarding moving their lower bodies in time with a beat?

The Irish have decided not to tempt fate by attempting to move their torsos. The dance takes place entirely between the knees and feet, with occasional arm movements for emphasis. It makes sense. Paraplegics don't still try to do track and field. They develop their own athletic disciplines. Irish dancing is the quad rugby of dance.

Similar dancing took place when the headlining act took the stage. When Flogging Molly played, revelers "danced" by jogging in place, and kind of kicking their feet backwards. The style combined limited ability with unprovoked, erratic violence. And if that doesn't say, "Ireland", I don't know what does.

Flogging Molly is a band that follows the classic Irish band name formula of (Violent Act + Stereotypical Irish Name). The Dropkick Murphys used the same model. Next year's festival will feature the band Knuckle Sandwich O'Malley, opening for Savage Thrashing of Seamus, with a special guest appearance by Shooting Bono In The Back Of The Head With a Potato Gun. Their music may not sound like much, but you won't want to miss the dancing, or the fudge.