Presented here unedited from their original notebook form:
Jurassic Park Parody: Scientists clone Jesus, put him in amusement park. He goes nuts, starts eating people.
Jerry Springer Show Topic: "I'm the World Ultimate Fighting Champion, I have a black belt in karate, and I'm confronting my wife's lover."
Steven Spielberg's Amishstad
Socratic Method Acting: Getting into character through the use of a dialogue with... yourself. Basically, it's De Niro at a mirror yelling, "You talkin' to me?"
A fat guy and a girl in a bikini play hacky-sack together.
Superhero: The hero leads a decadent, morally impure lifestyle, and gains power with each new sin. At a moment of weakness, he can attain strength by smoking a cigarette, or masturbating.
Weird Al's Ghostwriters: A biography of the really weird-looking parody songwriters who sell material to Weird Al, including stuff too "cutting-edge" for Al, like an Eric Clapton parody song called "Dead Kids in Heaven."
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Raincoat (?)
The ASNEM Convention: For dyslexics with an IQ above 140.
"Making spaghetti": New euphemism for masturbation.
Attempting to get people we know to refer to Cotati as "The Cotati that rocks the body."
Fake Paul McCartney song called "El Nino":
The rain goes drippety-drip
The drains go glubbety-glub
My heart goes flippety-flip
'Cause I'm in love
Rain Man II: Two doughnuts fall out of a box. Waitress goes to pick them up.
CHARLIE: Wait! How many doughnuts, Ray?
RAY: (quickly) Two.
WAITRESS and CHARLIE count. For a while.
CHARLIE: How many doughnuts did you sell us?
CHARLIE: And how many did we eat?
CHARLIE: Nice try, Ray. There's three. Twelve minus nine is three, see. (points to first doughnut) One. (points to second doughnut) Two. (points to first doughnut again) Three.
WAITRESS: Wait! There's one doughnut left in the box!
(They stare at RAY in amazement. CHARLIE recounts the doughnuts.)
Wilt Chamberlin's "40,000 Lines about 20,00 Women"
Theoretical Mathematicians: They walk around campus discussing the TV show Perfect Strangers. Colleagues invite them places, bums ask for change, and their response is always some variant on, "No, I don't think that's statistically probable!" They make fun of Euclid a lot. One of them wears a t-shirt with Mark Linn-Baker's face on it.
Einstein!: It's a sitcom about Einstein. The concept is pretty much the same as Mr. Belvedere. Einstein works as a butler. He's a good butler, but he's not supposed to help the kids with science projects or their physics homework. Unfortunately, he can't resist nachos!
"Mmm, I love nachos!"
"No, I really muzt not solve ze equation for you because eet would be... did you say jalapenos?"
Beginning every question with: "Not to be redundant, but..." or "In your heart of hearts..."