(Originally published in The Heuristic Squelch)

Top Five Travis Tritt Songs For the New Millenium

5. "Here's A Quarter, No, Wait, Here's a Quarter and a Dime, Call Someone Who Cares"
4. "I Don't Especially Care To Hear Your Problems, But I Just Have A Twenty - If You Can Get Change, You're Welcome To Call Someone Who Cares"
3. "If You Keep It Brief, You Can Just Use My Cell Phone"
2. "Here's Two Quarters, Call Someone Who Cares"
1. "Use 1 -800-COLLECT And Save A Buck Or Two On All Your Calls To Someone Who Cares"