UCLink got itself together today, and returned my Inbox and other folders to me. I celebrated by deleting over a hundred of the messages. Some I replied to and dumped, some were dropped because they had been re-sent from the server crash, but some were just cold-bloodedly cast out, like baby sparrows from the nest, or heroin-addicted drummers from the Smashing Pumpkins.

Dumping all that mail was invigorating. I felt the same way upon bagging up unworn clothes a few days. For whatever reason, excising one's possessions is a really good feeling. Like a balloonist tossing sandbags over the side of his basket, my spirits soared with each ill-fitting flannel shirt and itchy wool sweater I tossed into the Hefty Bag. Perhaps this is how the CEO of United Airlines felt.

I want to write a self-help book about attaining spiritual peace by giving away your possessions. One goes every day, as you move closer and closer to spiritual bliss. Each chapter will have an uplifting aphorism. There will be non-rhyming poetry. The book will be called "Like A Magic Penny" or "Give It away Now" and I will go on Oprah to promote it and even Dr. Phil himself will chuckle at my simple, folksy wisdom and good humor. It will sell thousands and thousands of copies, and I will earn enough money to buy a GameCube, and a microwave, and a faster computer, and a lightweight jacket that doesn't advertise Cal athletic teams, and maybe also a dirt bike.