If I was hired to produce a morning radio show, I think my first choice would be a "morning zoo" format. First and foremost, I love prank phone calls, even more than I love giving out prize packages to people who memorize the order of our six-song rock block. One of my favorite prank calls would be to combine the two. "Oh, so close," I'd say to Caller Ten. "You got the first five right, but Song #6 was...'You Just Got Pranked By The Zoo Crew'!" And then we'd play a clip of a cow mooing angrily and maybe also a monkey jabbering.
I might also use the name "Zoo Squad Alpha" instead of "Morning Zoo Crew". I haven't really decided yet.
What would set my morning radio show apart from the others would be the traffic reports. A lot of shows have their very own helicopter that overlooks the city and gives updates on what routes are congested. Let's face it, you can pretty much get that information from any radio show, probably accompanied by a weather report. We also probably couldn't afford the chopper anyway, given the budget for prank calls.
Instead, we'd have a program caleld "Radio Looky Lou". We'd send out interns (or as I would call them, Junior Operatives of M. Force Zoologico) to drive around in search of accidents, traffic stops, explosions, roadside fires, cargo spills, lost animals, and any kind of traffic slowdowns.
Our operatives would drive along very slowly, in order to describe the scene in as much detail as possible. What color were the cars? Was anyone injured or dead? Any funny smells? How exciting and awesome did the flames look? Our listeners want to know those things. Would you rather hear, "There's about a fifteen-minute delay on the Bay Bridge, metering lights are on", or, "The front bumper of the Mercedes is completely crushed, the driver's head is bleeding, and it looks like he may have wet his pants during the crash"?
Our motto would be: "Radio Looky Lou: We slow down and stare at car accidents - so you don't have to!" And after the motto, we would play a lion roar followed by a parrot saying, "Awk! Looky Lou! Awk!" And then that angry moo again.
