bill o'reilly falafel blues

Here's a song from a few months ago that I co-wrote with Allen Haim about Bill O'Reilly and his love of Middle Eastern food. Tyler Roscoe also contributed to the work. You can download a live, work-in-progress version of the song from the Brainwash Cafe, last November right here

Bill O'Reilly Falafel Blues

(Chorus)

Bill O'Reilly's got a vibrator
He'll use it now or he'll use it later
You know he's got some diverse talents
He'll put you in a lot of positions that are fair and balanced

(Verse)

On his show, Bill O'Reilly's mighty tough
But off the air, O'Reilly's sensual
Drunk dialing for phone sex, it's never just a bluff
Unless you hang up, it's consensual

(Chorus)

Bill O'Reilly's got a vibrator
Often a premature ejaculator
He always holds a bottle of lube in his talons
To ensure that his orgasm arrives, fair and balanced

(Verse)

Now Bill O'Reilly, he runs a no-spin zone
And maybe liberals think he's awful
But no matter your politics, if you're answering the phone
Bill wants to rub you with falafel

(Chorus)

Bill O'Reilly's got a vibrator
He'll suck on the tip like a Now & Later
He paid two million to an offscreen talent
To make sure the scales of justice remain, fair and balanced

(Verse)

Now some folks like legs and O'Reilly, he likes breasts
Though some allege that he's an ass man
In Bill O'Reilly's mind, you're always half-dressed
And never sue him for harassment

(Chorus)

Bill O'Reilly's a worse boss than Darth Vader
He'll clench his fingers, but he's not using The Force
Got weirder sexual quirks than Woody Allen's
But that's to keep things fair and balanced, of course

(Verse)

Go on the Factor, you better have your facts straight
O'Reilly's gonna have rebuttal
He'll lick his lips and then he'll end the whole debate
Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up!

(Chorus)

Bill O'Reilly's got a vibrator
He's also got a telestrator
His fascist views can be compared to Stalin's
But all the same, he wants to keep things
Absolutely
100%
No doubt about it
Fair and bala-a-a-a-a-a-anced