Last Saturday, I got to do some rare driving, shuttling people home from a party in my friend's pimped-out ride, a Subaru Outback. Before we left, the conversation among our multicultural bunch had revolved around certain things that only white people did, specifically, maintaining friendships with their exes. We drew no conclusions on the topic of post-relationship relationships, but it led to a discussion of "really white things".
For example: Driving a Subaru Outback.
The soundtrack to our drive home was provided by my friend's mix CD, focused heavily on music from the early 90's. Considering my giant posters celebrating Nine Inch Nails, U2, and Smashing Pumpkins, this mix CD was a lot like my bedroom's decorations until about 2003. Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Brain" had just ended when the Whitest Thing Ever happened. I heard the intro to the next song and asked, "Oooh, is this 'God Shuffled His Feet'"?
The Whitest Thing Ever was either:
a) Having an obscure Crash Test Dummies song playing in your Subaru Outback.
b) Picking out that obscure Crash Test Dummies song based on less than two seconds of percussion.
I report, you decide.