Heads Up 7 Up

Teacher: Heads up, seven up! You can go first, Corinne. Who touched your thumb?

Corinne: I think it was Samuel L. Jackson.

Samuel L. Jackson: Nope.

Corinne: Samuel, I saw your shoes.

Samuel L. Jackson: Bitch, I didn't touch your motherfucking thumb!

Teacher: Class, let's just...read silently at our desks for a while.

Recess

Brad: Samuel L. Jackson, you're a doo-doo head.

Samuel L. Jackson: Oh yeah? Well I'm rubber, you're glue. Anything you say bounces off this motherfucker and sticks to you.

Brad: Doo-doo head! Doo-doo head!

Samuel L. Jackson: I know you are, but what the fuck am I? Tell me that, bitch!

Brad: Um...not a doo-doo head.

Knock Knock Jokes

Richard: Samuel L. Jackson, knock knock?

Samuel L. Jackson: Who's there?

Richard: Banana.

Samuel L. Jackson: Banana who?

Richard: Knock knock?

Samuel L. Jackson: I said, who the fuck is it?

Richard: Banana.

Samuel L. Jackson: Banana who?

Richard: Knock knock?

Samuel L. Jackson: Say 'banana' again, motherfucker! I dare you! I double dare you! Say 'banana' one more goddamn time!

Richard: O-o-o-orange you glad I d-d-d-didn't say b-b-b-banana?

Samuel L. Jackson: You're goddamn right I am.