Wearing a condom be not an effective deterrent to scurvy. Anyone who tells you different is no kind of pirate health expert, and ought to be keelhauled.
Thar not be enough plunder in the world to compare to the benefits of disease-free genitalia.
Polly the Parrot says, "Awk! Learn how to use a dental dam! Awk!"
Keep your swagger, sheathe your dagger.
Eyepatches should not be shared. Pink eye be a curse that be attached to no treasure.
Beware of splinters! The only safe sex with a wooden appendage be no sex at all. But if ye be determined, make sure to have sandpaper and whale fat on deck.
Do not put anything, anything into the mouth of a crocodile. Thar be too many buccaneers that have learned this the hard way.