Tonight, I will be attending my third Giants game of the year, but coincidentally, my second Singles Night. I haven't done the actual Singles Night promotion, which includes a ticket to the game, an adult beverage, and admission to a small cordoned-off area behind the center field bleachers, where the world's saddest DJ spins records up until the National Anthem. There's also a cash bar, and a mysterious promotion called Bachelor at the Park (emphasis theirs).
It's understandable if you thought Singles Night referred to the team's general inability to hit with power. Last time, the highlights were as follows:
1. When Giants shortstop Brian Bocock came to bat, a man stood up in the bleachers and organized a cheer: "When I say, 'Bo', you say 'Cock'! Bo! Cock!" Huh huh. Cock.
2. For some reason, a group of ten fans were aggressively booing the cotton candy vendor. Maybe they were surprised his product dissolved so easily?
3. Reliever Vinnie Chulk came in to a surprisingly huge ovation from the right field seats. Perhaps these were the Chulkamaniacs? I'd like to see Vinnie "chulk up" on the mound at least once. I think that would involve Vinnie getting angry, trembling, then tearing off his shirt and firing a pickoff throw into right field.
Any Giants home game will lead to a lot of Missed Connections posts even on normal days, but Singles Night might cause an explosion.
"I saw you drunkenly heckling the Detroit outfielders for seven straight innings. I never realized so many things rhymed with "Ordonez"! Let me buy you a churro some time."
"I was the pretty brunette wearing the 2003 NL West Champions t-shirt. You had a backwards Giants cap and a sweet-looking goatee. We made eye contact briefly, just before you vomited against the side of the N-Judah. If you're out of the drunk tank by now, we should hang out."
"To the girl who spilled a nine-dollar beer while freak dancing next to Orlando's Cha-Cha Bowl stand: Nice tits."
"You were wearing a pink visor and a Barry Zito jersey. I was shirtless, with SF painted on my chest, fingerbanging you next to the Coca-Cola slide. Want to get coffee sometime?"
The Singles Area was deserted by the seventh inning, which I assume meant that everyone found love in the first six innings, or they were making out in the deserted Speed Pitch Zone. Let's hope tonight is half as romantic as that!