Bad Stock Market Tips From Early 1994, If You Could Buy Stock In Alphanumeric Keys


Don't get caught holding too much of the combination 2/@ key. Not a good long-term bet. Sure, the number two gets a lot of use now, but how long is this bubble going to last? Smart investors realize that A and T can combine to duplicate @'s function in any imaginable situation. Not to be too blunt, but the @ key is for fucking losers. If you're heavily into @, try to diversify, maybe pick up some sleepers like W or the Home key.

I have a very good feeling about the long-term prospects for 6/^. Call it a hunch. I think the carat is going places.

This is only tangentially related to that whole alphanumeric thing, but I hear really good things about the Newton. Maybe see if you can invest in a stylus.

Sometimes it can be fun to light a twenty-dollar bill on fire, just to watch it burn. This is technically illegal.

Kurt Cobain is going to live forever.

Reader Mail

John from Providence writes, "Hey, how you doing man? Thanks for the heads-up about Scroll Lock. You really saved my ass. Think the Expos have a shot this year?"

No problem, bro. The Expos have a solid team, but I think the World Series will probably be cancelled this year.


Enjoyed reading this out loud to Jack.

Everyone knows that the 9/( and 0/) keys are where it's at (because every Virginia Woolf fan knows that all the good stuff's in the parentheses). Personally, I'd invest in L's... I seem to use mine so much, it's almost completely worn off. Anyone have an extra Thinkpad L key?

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on August 22, 2004 2:52 PM.

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