humm bloggy: giants 9, reds 5

The Giants defeated the Reds 9-5 in an Independence Day battle in Cincinnati. If the game were part of the American Revolution, who would the stars of this game be?

George Washington: Matt Cain. Cain has been a master strategist on the mound this season, constrained only by a lack of material support. For months, the Giants hitters have been essentially wintering at Valley Forge, unable to launch anything offensive. Matt Cain also once cut down a cherry tree with his fastball.

Benedict Arnold: Rich Aurilia. Aurilia spent 2005 and 2006 in a Reds uniform, but switched sides for more money. He betrayed the Reds in the fourth inning by legging out an infield hit ahead of Fred Lewis's grand slam, though, like Benedict Arnold, Aurilia's legs are ruined. Rich also used his turncoat knowledge of the Reds pitching staff to hit an impressive sixth-inning home run off Ricky Stone.

General Horatio Gates: Fred Lewis. Just as the Battle of Saratoga was the turning point of the Revolutionary War, the fourth inning was the turning point of yesterday's ballgame. Lewis, like Gates, deserves credit for his stirring performance, but the contributions of Aurilia, like those of Arnold, were underrated.

Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox: Ray Durham. Durham's quick bat provided a surprise attack against the Reds bullpen, like the guerilla techniques of the Swamp Fox.. Also, if you've ever heard Ray Durham's voice, it sounds like he grew up in a swamp.

Hessians: Cincinnati Red bullpen. Ineffective, underpaid mercenaries.

Second Continental Congress: Omar Vizquel. Vizquel made some costly errors, but no one cares because of the ultimate victory.

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on July 5, 2007 5:29 PM.

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