the diary of matt morris

(Matt Morris was recently traded to the Pittsburgh Pirates. At Zembla, we've obtained a copy of Morris's diary from the past week. Check it out.)


July 25th: Decided to commit to the two-year membership for 24 Hour Fitness. There's just so many of them in the Bay Area, and the savings are unbeatable when you sign on for that long. Well worth it, in my mind. Hey, I'm going to to be here at least until the end of 2009, so why not?

July 26th: I want to tell you guys about a charitable effort I'm starting once we get back from the SoCal road trip on the 6th. It's called "Matt Morris's Winning Pitch". Here's how it works: For every home game for the rest of the year, I'm going to leave fifty tickets for disadvantaged kids. As long as I'm not scheduled to pitch, I'll give those kids a tour of the clubhouse and stadium before the game. It's the least I can do for this city.

July 27th: Finally closed escrow on the new house. They broke ground on the new pool and the indoor batting cages next week, so it's a relief to know this place is ours to stay. The Morris family is going to be in the Bay Area for a long, long time.

July 28th: Got this great t-shirt, and I can't to wear it everywhere. It's a #7 Steelers jersey, but on the back it says, "Toothlessberger". Isn't that hilarious? I liked it so much, I bought two, for insurance purposes. I'd be afraid to wear it in Pittsburgh, but luckily we've already done our road trip to that filthy backwater. If there's anything worse than the rivers in Pittsburgh, it's the hockey team, but only if you forget about the crappy Pirates and their limp-dicked owner, which are still better than the sloppy, toothless skanks that perch on barstools like vultures at every bar in the city. Just thinking about the women of Pittsburgh makes me shudder and reflexively grab for the hand sanitizer. Yup, Pittsburgh is a hellhole. Good thing I play in San Francisco!

July 29th: I didn't have the best start today, but I did my best, and that's really all you can do. I feel bad for letting the team down, who are seriously the best bunch of guys I've ever played with. I'm really looking forward to spending time with the guys on this road trip, really getting to know some of the young guys like Lincecum and Sanchez. This time I'm not going to make the same mistake I always do when I go to LA: bringing too much stuff! It's Southern California in the summertime, after all. I really just need a pair of shorts, my swimsuit, and a toothbrush and I'm set. San Diego is going to be the best!

July 30th: The non-refundable tickets for Hawaii are locked up! I finally resigned myself to the fact that we're not making the playoffs this year, so I figured, Hey Matt, why not take the family to Hawaii in October? If you buy this far in advance, you can get a pretty sweet deal, as long as you're willing to go non-refundable. It's such a sweet deal that I decided to buy for the whole staff. They're such a great bunch of guys, and hey, it's only money, right? I just love this team so much, it feels good to give something back to a team that has stuck with me whenever I've struggled.

I've got it set up so that we finish out the season in LA on Sunday, then I clean out my locker Monday morning. Monday afternoon, we board our flight to the islands. Just what I need to relax and unwind, before I start thinking about how we can get the Giants back into contention next season. This city deserves it.

July 31st: Signed a deal with Sports Illustrated to provide a first-person account of what it's like to be there when Barry breaks the record. It's great money, but honestly, I'd do it for free. I've been looking forward to that moment all year. Even during the losing streaks, I could focus on the great accomplishment Barry was nearing, and it would always pick me up.

August 1: Fuck.

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on August 1, 2007 7:24 PM.

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