I'm sorry to have had to call you in here like this, but I'm afraid it can't wait. Every one of you is fired. You can stay until the end of the week.
I've been going over my notes, crunching the numbers, and the statistics don't lie. Productivity is down, expectations have not been met. There are people who have invested a lot of time and money here, and frankly, I don't know what to tell them anymore. People with influence are starting to ask tough questions about the future of this operation. It's all I can do to keep my head above water. And out of the toilet, because this whole thing makes me sick.
We could try third-party mediation, but I'm not sure we should keep kidding ourselves here. Plus, that third party is also fired. And dropped. Some of you are also dropped. Please make a note.
No, I am not crying. Those are my allergies. I have allergies.
It's just not working out. It's not you, really, it's me. Me, firing each and every one of you with just cause; cause which I will explain later because there are lots of very good reasons really and I am just not going to talk about it right now OK?. Maybe we should start seeing other people. Or even no one at all. OK, me, seeing people, you all, in seclusion, thinking about seeing me, but unable to, because you're fired.
On second thought, those other people I was going to be seeing are also fired. Please make a note.
I am also going to need those nametags back.