another dream: soccer with john mayer

I was at some sort of camp, working as a swim and writing instructor. In the morning I was informed of two things: The Squelch was taking a "field trip to Zembla" that day, but before that occurred, I was to play in the camp's celebrity soccer game. Most of the players were just ordinary campers, except for the opposing goalkeeper, Arsenal's David Seaman, and my teammate, pop superstar John Mayer.

My father Dennis was there, trying to give me tips on game strategy, and how to get it past Seaman. I tried to listen, but I felt so tired that it was hard to get going. The opposing team was kicking our asses from the get-go, with Seaman making save after save and even scoring on an embarrassing breakaway where he dribbled right past me. Dave Matthews-soundalike John Mayer was the only one keeping our team respectable. And he was letting me know about my defensive failures.

"You're playing like Sunderland!" Dennis shouted, and I had to agree. Mayer just would not shut up, either. This is when the tide began to turn. I began to play with a ferocity not seen since the animals went at it in Bedknobs and Broomsticks. I scored one goal past a showboating Seaman. I slide tackled a young child, earning more disapproval from Mayer, but setting up another goal for our team. Finally, the ponytailed Seaman missed a back pass from one of his teammates, leading to an own goal. Somehow, we had triumphed.

I ran over to John Mayer for a celebratory high five. His guard down, I put him in a quick headlock, and began giving him a noogie. "I'm John Mayer," I said to him. "Blah blah blah. My brand of acoustic-guitar-based pop has earned me a legion of followers. Blah blah blah. I sound like Dave Matthews. Blah blah blah."

When I released John Mayer, he looked like he was about to cry, but he was laughing. He told me he was a big fan of my work on Zembla and was sorry he couldn't attend the field trip. He congratulated me on the game, met my sister Molly, and, as we were parting, gave me a hug. I whispered, "John, your body is a wonderland," and then I woke up.