Since he was a young man, my godfather, Buzz, has had a great comeback stored up, ready to be whipped out for devastating effect. It's a retort so powerful, so witty, that the retortee could only react with stunned silence and/or tears. It only requires the correct lead-in.
THE CORRECT LEAD-IN
SITUATION: A HOT DAY
Retortee: What a day. I am hot from the sun.
Buzz: Nice to meet you, Hot. I'm Buzz, from the Earth.
Devastating, I tell you! Or, at least, it would be, if anyone actually said they were "hot from the sun," rather than simply "hot." Still, if ever there's a recent Eastern European immigrant with a limited grasp of English idioms that encounters Buzz on a sweltering summer afternoon, it could very well become a truly Great Moment in Retorts.