The last Heuristic Squelch of the academic year just came out, featuring brand-new and quite possibly the final contributions ever from Sean Keane. So enjoy, and cherish:
The Squelch era began with the oft-mocked Cal NERDs Aim Virtual Sights High and continued until the present day: calling Plato a pedophile. My news bylines progressed from "The Boss" to the last one, "Trying to Spawn". Which is ultimately a pretty good encapsulation of 1999-2005 for me, if you really think about it.
Like Lance Armstrong, I'm announcing my retirement. Like Michael Jordan, I've pretended to retire in the past, only to return with progressively diminishing returns following each subsequent unretirement. Unlike the College of Cardinals, my successors don't hate Jews, aside from their own self-loathing.
Goodbye is too good a word, The Heuristic Squelch, so I'll just say, Fare thee well*.
*"Fare thee well" may include, but is not limited to, showing up at meetings for the next two or three years, contributing without a byline, buying alcohol for underage stafers, and silently pining over underage female staffers.