christmas gifts, part 1

My little sister just returned from Chile, which means that our family should expect Chilean presents under the tree in a few days. Since I already got a t-shirt from the Hooters in Santiago, I can't imagine anything else I would need from Chile. Maybe an alpaca.

This occurs every year that one of the Keane Quads moves to a new place. Megan gave out a few Proud Parent of a UC Santa Cruz Student sweatshirts her freshman year, and I have shirts for both the women's lacrosse and rugby teams at UC Santa Barbara. For my part, I bought hats that said Disappointed Parent of a Seventh-Year Senior and My Tuition Money Went To The UC Regents And All My Kid Got Was A Lousy English Degree. That was a heartwarming Christmas morning, let me tell you.

I'm not criticizing this gift-giving practice, since you better believe I gave out a lot of dinosaur stuff the year I got a job at the Lawrence Hall of Science. I'm simply jealous, since I haven't really gone anywhere this year, and my boring domestic gifts might look shameful alongside all that sweet Chilean swag. So, I'm thinking about getting gifts that come from my job at the appellate law office.

"Merry Christmas, Dad! It's a shiv! And not just any shiv - Buford hand-carved this shiv from the handle of an old toothbrush."

"Mom, this is something I got as a token of appreciation from one of our clients. It's a pack of Parliament Lights. Now, I know you don't smoke. But you always say, it's not the gift that matters, it's the time you put into it. Remember when Molly glued that friendship bracelet to the piece of cardboard and called it a snake bookmark? Same concept, except I can't even begin to get into what our client had to do to get those cigarettes."

Time is running out, so I may have to go with Plan B: accessories for the alpacas.