Observations from the magazine rack at Safeway's checkout line:

Us Weekly had a box on its cover featuring a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini. The article within promises to reveal the diet secrets of Jennifer Lopez and Ms. Lohan:

Directly below Us Weekly, Lindsay Lohan was the sole cover subject of Vanity Fair. Their story dealt with her confessions of drug use and her struggle with bulimia.

Gene checked Us Weekly, but their Lindsay Lohan diet tips didn't mention vomiting or cocaine.

Also, People has a feature about the 20-year anniversary of their "Sexiest Man Alive" feature. Matthew McConaughey is the reigning hottest man alive, until he is dethroned and/or killed. For some reason, it seems completely appropriate that the Formerly Sexy Man picked to write the issue's introduction is none other than Patrick Swayze. I don't have a joke here; he just seems perfect. The albino woman from Gummo would agree.

A quick glance at the All-Time Sexiest Men Archive reveals that Nick Nolte is easily the Least Sexy Man ever chosen. John F. Kennedy, Junior is the only Former Sexy Man who is no longer Alive. Denzel Washington is the only Black Sexiest Man, though there have been a Scottish Sexiest Man, Irish Sexiest Man, and British Sexiest Man Alive in this same time period.

Other winners:

Sexiest Man in the Cast of Alive: Vincent Spano
Sexiest Man Dead: Steve McQueen
Sexiest Mann Alive: Leslie
Liveliest Man Sex: Brokeback Mountain