I made a massive purchase at the Oakland Athletics ticket office today. 136 tickets. I could have bought them online and paid the service charge, but "Four Dolla Wednesday" just doesn't have the same ring. Would a two-dollar hot dog taste as delicious? What if the Safeway Club had a membership fee? The magic would be gone.
Before the purchase, I had hopes of getting free swag after the purchase. After all, I was buying over a hundred tickets. Surely that was worth a stuffed elephant, a Bobby Kielty wig, or even a tote bag. I even got instructions from our houseguest, a world-renowned getter of free stuff. She told me to be cheerful, and grant them the responsibility of making my day great. I boarded the BART train full of hope, brimming with confidence and ideas about how to make my ticket agent feel that showering me with gifts was in his self-interest.
Sadly, the barren ticket office held no swag. It barely held accommodations for the lone employee, who was sitting on a stool, shivering and watching cartoons on an old television set. He did give me extra pocket schedules, which is far from a tote bag with elephants on it.
There is good news and bad news about the purchase. The good news is that the season ticket price has been reduced to $12. The bad news is that the amount of games has also been reduced, down to a mere six contests. For those of you who had your hearts set on the May 31 game, I regret to inform you that the game is already sold out, because it is Little League Night. I think the joke is on the Little Leaguers, since they'll have to watch legal test case Doug Mientkiewicz and the Kansas City Royals, the worst team in baseball. Perhaps appropriately, the Royals have opted for an "Everybody Plays" approach to the upcoming season, where everyone on the roster is guaranteed to play at least two innings. There's still time for them to acquire the manager's son, Philadelphia third baseman David Bell.
Thanks to our 15 subscribers for supporting Two Dolla Wednesday. If you aren't a subscriber, there are a limited number of extra seats available, but they're going fast. With three games against the Mariners, Japanese readers of Zembla will be intrigued. If you act fact, and act confident while acting fast, you might even score a free pocket schedule.