how early is too early? part 2

So, there's a time and place for drinking. More important to me is the appropriate time for eating.

Years ago, Bagel Bites ran an ad asserting, "Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at suppertime. With pizza on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime." Catchy? Yes. Accurate? I say no.

Pizza in the evening, sure. I think even the lactose-intolerant would agree that, if there's ever a time to eat pizza, it's the evening. Pizza in the morning is acceptable as well - but it really has to be cold pizza. Or re-heated pizza. You can't make new pizza in the morning.

Is it different while watching a sporting event? I'm going to have to say no. A hot dog or hamburger at 9 AM is much less acceptable than a beer, or even a shot of whiskey. If ketchup and mustard are involved, you really have to wait until after noon.

"The earlier he starts eating pizza on a bagel, the more likely he is to abuse it."

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your Bagel Bites abuse:

• Do you eat Bagel Bites in the morning?
• Do you eat Bagel Bites alone when you feel angry or sad?
• Does your Bagel Bites consumption worry your family?
• Do you ever make Bagel Bites after telling yourself you won't?
• Do you ever forget what you did while you were eating Bagel Bites?
• Do you ever borrow money or go without things in order to buy Bagel Bites?
• Do you ever drink until your supply of Bagel Bites is gone?
• Have you ever lost friends because of your use of Bagel Bites?

The more of these questions that apply, the more likely it is that you have a problem with Bagel Bites. Set a goal, and resolve to eat Bagel Bites only after 12 PM. If you feel the urge to have Bagel Bites in the morning, make yourself a cocktail instead.