the office boyfriend

Just a few days ago, I learned that I am considered the "Office Boyfriend" where I work. I wasn't able to figure out exactly what that means, but I think an important part of that position involves not having a girlfriend, neither in the office nor outside.

Why am I the Office Boyfriend? It might be that I occasionally bake when it's someone's birthday. Occasionally I go out places with boyfriended co-workers, sometimes to see performances featuring other boyfriended co-workers. I am non-threatening, as well as consistently clean, with an inoffensive personal odor. Often I am seen carrying heavy things around the office.

I also apologize a lot.

This is not merely a heterosexist look at the Office Boyfriend role. For a brief time, I was a different kind of office boyfriend. When I first moved to San Francisco, I didn't have cable. But a week after moving west, I was homesick for baseball on television, and stopped in at the Pilsner Inn after work, not realizing it was a gay bar. I chilled there, completely oblivious, and even ended up having a beer with one of my co-workers, inadvertantly lending myself an air of sexual ambiguity. It is important that anyone in the office can project onto Office Boyfriend.