congress declares thumb war


Congress Declares Thumb War

(Originally appeared in The Heuristic Squelch)

In a joint session of Congress this week, both houses moved to declare a "thumb war" on Iraq. Citing numerous violations of the Geneva Convention including "sorta moving up their arm to get better leverage," Senator Phil Gramm (R-Texas) said a thumb war with Iraq was "inevitable." "The Iraqi people have been under Saddam Hussein's oppressive thumb for too long," remarked Gramm, before joing fellow lawmakers in solemnly intoning, "1,2,3,4, I declare a thumb war."

Pundits are divided on the controversial thumb-military intervention. While some are confident that the conflict can be resolved swiftly, through hand-to-hand combat, others fear that the thumb war might escalate to Indian burns, or even Bloody Knuckles. Military officials declined to comment specifically, though they have not ruled out the use of Chinese finger cuffs


The US is forced to use whatever means necessary to ensure piece. Piece of the pie, piece of mind against terrorist threats, or even their own multitude of pieces of Latin America. Why should the Iraqi's get any different treatment - indian burns are just a natural progression from the thummie war - its not like were all having fun in Baton Rouge any more. There is a war on.

I don't know about that baton rouge stuff, sam, but I can tell you one thing: I want to eat pie.

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on March 16, 2003 8:57 AM.

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