us and security council agree to disagree

US and Security Council Agree to Disagree

After frantic last-minute lobbying efforts failed to yield a consensus on a resolution authorizing the use of force against Iraq, the Security Council today passed a resolution agreeing to disagree with the actions of the United States. By a 15-0 vote, the council condemns the proposed military action as "unjustified" and "imperialistic," but also "strongly respects the opinion of the United States, and extends a firm fraternal handshake to its delegates."

French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin said, "Look, we'd been going around in circles for days about the rights of national sovereignty and the feasibility of Iraq's long-term weapons development plan. After a while, we just said, look, life's too short.*"

Colin Powell agreed. "We could go back and forth all day about whose war is unjustified by international law, or whose impending massive military onslaught is a totally illegitimate grab for oil. After a while you get confused about whether this whole thing is about weapons of mass destruction, or terror drones made out of duct tape and balsa wood, or a wholly fictional murder attempt against George Bush, Sr. from ten years ago. Your head starts to spin."

It is hoped that the US and the Security Council will forget all this who-blocked-whose-resolution and who-believes-which-Bible-is-literal-fact-and-Jesus-hates-Iraq nonsense and go out for root beer floats together.

"But no french fries," joked Powell.

*Iraqi children excepted

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on March 18, 2003 3:00 AM.

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