one step closer to living off the fat of the land


Ashley is a big man. Seeing Ashley in pictures, or standing still, doesn't do justice to how big he is, because Ashley's bigness is this whirling, bearded, knife-twirling kind of bigness that explodes at you, bellowing and waving a cigarette. Ashley started shaving in fifth grade, started smoking in sixth grade, began wrestling bears the summer after seventh grade. Recently, he also began tossing out drunks from restaurants, reported admirably by Katherine Voluntine.

Ashley's bigness, strength, and general destructiveness are always more than anyone anticipates, least alone Ashley himself. Bodies hit the ground, bed frames shatter, and when the dust clears Ashley is the most surprised of anyone to see what he hath wrought. He just doesn't know his own strength.

After school one day, Ashley and I stood in the Pleasant Hill Rec Center parking lot (before there was a skate park there). Ashley was at rest, arms above his head, leaning on a large tree branch. It was an imposing branch, strong and thick, a branch that some might call a "limb" or even "trunk junior." I don't remember what Ashley and I were talking about, but whatever it was cause Ashley to laugh with such force that he ripped the branch right off the tree. He literally tore the tree limb from limb.

Bear in mind, this wasn't an old, dead tree. The branch still had green leaves on it, maybe even a bird's nest. And it was big. The limb was so big Ashley could barely grip it, as he held it in his arms, severed from the trunk, in shocked disbelief. Ashley stared at the branch, like Lenny from Of Mice and Men contemplating a mangled mouse. For a moment, he lifted the limb back up to where he'd torn it off, as if he could somehow put it back and make things right. Then he put it down, whispering an awed "Ohmygod!"

Younger kids at the bus stop across the street began yelling. "What'd you do to the tree?" "Hey, that guy broke the tree!" We were both scared, and we walked away very quickly, neither of us wanting to acknowledge his destruction of the tree nor his superhuman strength. Then Ashley went and bought a pack of Camel Reds from 7-11 using his military ID.


"A limb, a bow, a branch ... almost a secondary trunk."

Ashley was like a young Superman - who could not yet control his great strength, and didn't want others to discover his powers when he accidentally destroyed things.

Just to coroborate Sean's story, I have personally witnessed and or participated in with Ashley the destruction of Cody's bed, Ashley's kitchen light and one other kitchen light which we can't remember who's house we were in. The bed was when ashley suplexed me into it, and both the lights were from battling for items, one of which was a broom (which was then used to clean up the broken glass).

Ash = Clifford

I can also testify to the breaking of the bed, and to the fact that it was not voluntary on Ashley's part, as I had just pleaded with him not to break anything, and he is the kind of friend who listens to those kinds of requests...right before he smashed the fuck out of the bed frame with Gene's body. I slept on the floor for a year.

The other kitchen light was at Robyn's house, wasn't it?

Of all the things Ashley tends to break, I think beds are particularly threatened. The futon that replaced my broken bed was wounded by an energetic Ashley sitting on it during a party. The bed survived, but its mangled self succumbed to the wound only two years later.

And don't forget Robyn's moon roof.

Or when Ashley Fulk broke the sliding glass door in Robyn's house while impersonating Eric Zimny. Remember, Ash is an actor. Think of all the times you may have been blamed for breaking something, when all along you suspected you had been framed by a closeted-superhero friend.

What about all the beautiful things that Ashley builds, people?? Those strong hands built the set of DVC's production of 'Death Of A Salesman', which I looked daaaaaamn good on, I might add. As he hammered away at the construction of plywood glory, he only yelled "Fuck" a few hundered times. Beautiful man.

Kati and sean...thats from the book guys you rock!

Its amazing what you find when you google your own name. Hey guys who know some other guy wit the same name as me (Eric Zimny) how wierd life is.

From what I've heard, the Eric Zimny that we used to know has changed so much that you may actually *be* him and not know it.

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on April 24, 2003 5:33 PM.

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