is it feti? - no, fetuses is fine


Last week, the Senate passed a bill which made it an extra crime to harm a fetus during commission of a violent crime. This bill was informally named after Laci Peterson, which is appropriate, since her husband probably would have thought twice about (allegedly) killing her if he knew he was (allegedly) committing two felonies.

Now, though some people might argue that this bill is a transparent attempt to weaken abortion rights, I think it's long overdue. You see, I work for a non-profit company that helps provide free legal assistance for people convicted of felonies. And day after day, we see hundreds of pregnant women committing crimes and getting sent to prison, while their unborn children get off scot free. That is absolutely unfair. Some people might just see an embryo in those cases. I see an accomplice.

Once anti-abortion gr. . . er, victims' rights advocates can finally push through legislation that gives personhood to fetuses, we can finally get some justice. I believe so passionately in this, I don't care that it makes my job harder, since the majority of unborn children have no assets or regular source of income. We'll have to figure out some kind of procedure for getting an official Declaration of Indigence from them, but I think most judges would accept a sonogram of the fetus giving a "thumbs-up". Once the thumbs develop, of course.

Crime is going to have a bite taken out of it, even if the perpetrators don't yet have teeth. We'll be able to get these kids off the streets, out of the wombs, and into the justice system where their kicks can't hurt anyone else, or their uterus. With the pesky question of fetal personhood settled we'll be able to move onto more important topics, like deciding when a district attorney can try a fetus as a juvenile, or determining the admissibility of amniocentesis testing at trial.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!


I think this will be particularly important for drug crime prosecution. Hundreds of thousands of crack-addicted babies, many of them minorities, have been allowed to roam as freely as underdeveloped infant muscles will allow through hospital nurseries, extolling the virtues of crack to more innocent, law-abiding baby citizens. Let's get these hoodlums off the changing tables and in prison where they belong!

this law has taken away the only way for men to enforce their reproductive rights.

Does this way involve a baseball bat or something?

Wouldn't this further exacerbate the crack problem within the prison system which is purported to be worse than it is on the streets? Having these crack babies crawling through the prison courtyards cutting unsuspecting prison dealers' ankles with spears fashioned out of plastic sporks in an attempt to secure another hit would increase the voilence within an already volatile system.

baseball bats, sledgehammers, fists, you know, whatever you have lying around.

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on March 31, 2004 12:54 AM.

a breakdown in international relations was the previous entry in this blog.

something is changing inside me, and don't you know is the next entry in this blog.

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