ways to tell that your roommate is secretly dating humpty hump

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  • All your crackers are gone.
  • As is your licorice.
  • Her bedroom door is nearly always closed, with a folded towel poking through the two-inch gap under the door.
  • When she sees you eating a Double Whopper, she blushes, looks embarrassed, and walks out of the room.
  • Her conversation is peppered with meaningless words like "looptid".
  • Occasionally, there is a mysterious clapping sound coming from her bedroom.
  • Your bottle of Hennessey is nearly empty.
  • When she dances, she looks like MC Hammer on crack.

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