When I was younger, I had a severe speech impediment. I said my "r"s like "w"s, and I also had a lisp. In combination, it made me sound like a gay Elmer Fudd.

I was also pathologically afraid of asserting myself, or asking for things, which has continued to a lesser degree today. That fear would lead to conversations like this:

YOUNG SEAN: Mom, I'm thowta (sort of) hungwy.

MOM: What would you like to eat, Sean?

YOUNG SEAN: Well, I was thowta thinking of thomething wound.

MOM: Like an apple, Sean?

YOUNG SEAN: Wellll...maybe thomething a little cwunchyah.

MOM: Do you want some crackers?

YOUNG SEAN: Wellll...maybe thomething a little bit thweetah.

MOM: Sean, would you like a cookie?

YOUNG SEAN (feigning surprise): Oh? Wellll...that would be OK.

I got over the speech impediment after months of rigorous effort in fourth grade, but I never did quite get over my anxiety over asking for things. In times of stress, I fall back on old habits:

PRETTY GIRL: So what were you calling about, Sean?

PRESENT-DAY SEAN: Wellll...I was thowta wondewing if you wanted to do thomething Thuthday night.

PRETTY GIRL: What did you have in mind?

PRESENT-DAY SEAN: Wellll...I was thowta thinking about thomewhayah on Shattuck Avenue.

PRETTY GIRL: Do you want to go to Jupiter's? Maybe get some food at Cha'Am?

PRESENT-DAY SEAN: Wellll...I was thowta thinking of thomewhayah that had thoft theats, whayah you could make out in the dahk.

PRETTY GIRL: Do you want to go to the movies, Sean?

PRESENT-DAY SEAN (again feigning surprise): Oh? Wellll...that would be OK.