ways to make work more like eating at a chinese restaurant

I enjoy my job at an unnamed non-profit law firm, but not as much as I enjoying dining out. To try and narrow the gap in enjoyment, here are some suggested changes to make working at my office (and yours!) more like eating at a delicious Chinese restaurant. Incidentally, there aren't any good Chinese places near my office, but there is a wide selection of non-profit organizations within walking distance.

• Add "in bed!" to the end of intra-office e-mail messages and listings of felony charges and watch the comedy explode. "Please refrain from taking office supplies for personal use...in bed!" "Defendant is sentenced to three years modified probation....in bed!"

• Not sure what to do with a confusing legal document? You can't go wrong deep-frying it and dipping it in sweet and sour sauce.

• Doing clerical work at your desk is more fun and more convenient with your White-Out, paper clips, stapler, and multi-colored highlighters arranged on a large Lazy Susan.

• Be aware that, no matter how long you've been on the phone answering questions from an incarcerated appellant, you're just going to get another collect call from San Quentin an hour later.

• Before searching for missing files in an attorney's cluttered office, take a moment to enjoy an invigorating cup of tea. Make the temp pour it for you.

• To prevent Carpal Tunnel Syndrome or other repetitive stress injuries, slather your forearms with MSG before doing extended data entry projects.

• Use chopsticks to open letters from sex offenders.

• Begin each day by attacking complex legal arguments and/or a heaping plate of spring rolls.

• If you process an attorney's opening brief before noon, you get a complimentary soda.