It might officially be September 1st, but to me, it feels like New Year's Day. Because I am hung over, watching college football on TV, and making foolishly optimistic resolutions.
The old resolution to blog every day fell by the wayside, and then hoodlums along the wayside beat and kicked the resolution until it was barely a memory.
The weight loss resolution is cowering in a ditch near the wayside, pretending to be unconscious and weeping bitter, salty tears.
Let's make things new, readers. Let's forget the past, the false promises, the weeks without new material, and focus on us. Let's focus on now. Let's get a stereogram and focus our eyes weird so we can finally see the 3-D dolphin. Let's ask a focus group what they think of the new anti-comment trend on Cementhorizon. Let's put two points on the axis of symmetry of a conic section. And let's let bygones be bygones, because, if you think about it, what the fuck else would they be?