The Golden State Warriors suffered a disappointing loss to the Utah Jazz Monday night. Seeing his team's spirits were down, Don Nelson decided a team-building activity was in order. And since this was Don Nelson, he decided to take them to a bar. Unfortunately, the team may have continued some of its bad habits.)
A Team-Building Night Out With the Warriors
Downtown
(The Warriors pile into the team bus, ready for a night out)
Coach Nellie: OK, what bar should we go to?
Baron Davis: Let's go downtown.
Jason Richardson: Yeah, downtown.
Stephen Jackson: We should focus on downtown.
Andris Biedrins: Sure, I guess.
Al Harrington: Definitely downtown.
Matt Barnes: Downtown is where it's at.
Jackson: I know a place that's got a full bar out on the patio. And you know what that means?
Richardson: Shots. Outside shots.
Davis: Oh hell yes.
Harrington: Outside shots are the greatest!
Barnes: I feel like taking outside shots all night!
Biedrins: Is this such a good idea? We might get cold tonight.
Nellie: What are you saying?
Biedrins: Well, maybe we should try to establish an inside presence, too?
All: Shut up, Andris! What do you know?
Open Threes
(Jason Richardson approaches the bar)
Richardson: What do you have in a bottle?
Bartender: Imports are $5, domestics are $4, and you can get Pabst Blue Ribbon for $3.
Richardson: PBR for $3? Yes! I'll take ten of those.
(Bartender uncaps the beers. Richardson tries to take all ten bottles back to his table by himself.)
Bartender: Mr. Richardson, do you want to take that many threes by yourself? Isn't that a bit ill-advised?
Richardson: Look, someone's gotta carry the load for this team.
(Richardson drops the armful of beers on the ground. Coach Nellie runs over angrily.)
Nellie: Dammit, Jason, those were open threes! We've got to drain those! Aw, just get me an import!
(Richardson waves in Mickaël Piétrus, who jogs up to the bartender.)
Piétrus: Dix Pabst Blue Ribbons, s'il vous plaît.
Rebounding
Adonal Foyle: Hey, Andris. What's happening with that cute girl you were talking to?
Andris Biedrins: I don't know.
Foyle: Come on, man. That girl was gorgeous.
Biedrins: I know. But she said she just got out of a long relationship.
Foyle: So?
Biedrins: So? She's on the rebound.
Foyle: I see what you mean. Gotta stay away from those rebounds.
Biedrins: I wouldn't even know what to do with a rebound!
Foyle: Looks like it doesn't matter, Andris. She just started making out with Paul Millsap.
Quality Shots
Monta Ellis: Stephen, what are you drinking?
Stephen Jackson: Not sure. (points to array of empty one-ounce glasses) One of them was Jägermeister, one was Wild Turkey, a couple were 151, two were tequila from this dirty unlabeled bottle, and that last one was a Cement Mixer.
Ellis: What's a Cement Mixer?
Jackson: Baileys and lime juice. You swish it around in your mouth until it gets lumpy.
Ellis: That is disgusting. How can you drink that stuff? I hate to say this, but you have to improve your shot selection, Stephen.
Jackson: Nah, these were all quality shots. Hey, bartender? Pour me one that's half-Jack-Daniels, half-Apple-Pucker.
Ellis: I need to go somewhere else now.
Jackson: You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Boozer
(The team returns to the bus at closing time, only to find the driver agitated and upset.)
Bus Driver: Nellie, one of the drunks from the bar wandered into the bus. He's doing a lot of damage in there.
Nellie: OK, I'm calling a cab.
Bus Driver: Aren't you even going to try to stop that alcoholic?
Nellie: Nope. Once he gets inside, that Boozer is unstoppable.
