My friend and occasional companion Emalie went under the knife yesterday. She had bunion surgery, which is a lot more serious than you might think. I myself assumed it was a procedure that involved an office visit, a local anaesthetic, and maybe a laser, like something you'd do for a wart. In fact, bunion surgery involves sedatives, invasive surgery, and the removal of pieces of bone.

"Why did I think bunion surgery was so minor?", I asked Emalie.
"Because it sounds like 'Funyuns'", she said.

Though she's hobbled like a Song Dynasty princess, Emalie is doing fine. Still, I'm not going to mention toes, Doritos, playing footsie, Dr. Demento, ballet en pointe, piggies, going to market, staying home, having roast beef, not having roast beef, or going, "wee wee wee!" all the way home. Or Funyuns, because those are gross.

[Note: How messed up is it that the middle piggie in that rhyme is eating roast beef? Aside from the risk of Mad Cow Disease, I imagine a cow looking at the little piggie, shaking his head, and muttering, "Dude. Same team."]