near-great moments in retorts


Since he was a young man, my godfather, Buzz, has had a great comeback stored up, ready to be whipped out for devastating effect. It's a retort so powerful, so witty, that the retortee could only react with stunned silence and/or tears. It only requires the correct lead-in.



Retortee: What a day. I am hot from the sun.
Buzz: Nice to meet you, Hot. I'm Buzz, from the Earth.

Devastating, I tell you! Or, at least, it would be, if anyone actually said they were "hot from the sun," rather than simply "hot." Still, if ever there's a recent Eastern European immigrant with a limited grasp of English idioms that encounters Buzz on a sweltering summer afternoon, it could very well become a truly Great Moment in Retorts.


i could have sworn that was a fornaca story. i can never get anything right. all you round-eyes look the same to me.

i was thinking on the bus today, buzz should expand his setups, to increase his chances. for example, what if someone said 'i am poisoned from the mercury' and he realised a month later that he just blew his huge chance? other buzzups:

-i am chocolately from the mars
-i am drunk from the jupiter
-i am dirty from uranus

he can thank me later.

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on May 29, 2003 11:24 AM.

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