final squelch of 04-05 with final 04-05 sean keane famousness


The last Heuristic Squelch of the academic year just came out, featuring brand-new and quite possibly the final contributions ever from Sean Keane. So enjoy, and cherish:

Ancient Greek Philosophy, Stripped Of Its Artifice


Everything At Berkeley Is Uphill

The Squelch era began with the oft-mocked Cal NERDs Aim Virtual Sights High and continued until the present day: calling Plato a pedophile. My news bylines progressed from "The Boss" to the last one, "Trying to Spawn". Which is ultimately a pretty good encapsulation of 1999-2005 for me, if you really think about it.

Like Lance Armstrong, I'm announcing my retirement. Like Michael Jordan, I've pretended to retire in the past, only to return with progressively diminishing returns following each subsequent unretirement. Unlike the College of Cardinals, my successors don't hate Jews, aside from their own self-loathing.

Goodbye is too good a word, The Heuristic Squelch, so I'll just say, Fare thee well*.

*"Fare thee well" may include, but is not limited to, showing up at meetings for the next two or three years, contributing without a byline, buying alcohol for underage stafers, and silently pining over underage female staffers.


Is it fair to place Sean Keane above the other thinkers of this realm, because of his fearlessness, his courage...

It undoubtedly is.

What I want to know is, who wrote the list of the top ten fascist items found in the DC, which I was just reading next to your Tony Danza article? I laughed so hard over Crepes of Nanjing that I think I may have injured myself.

That was largely the brainchild of one Brian Sinclair, popularly known as "SINCLAAAAAAAIR!!!" Though I'm sure Allen helped.

I was totally going to write something for the Squelch this year, and I completely forgot. God damn it. I guess the Harvard Law School piece was my swan song.

And so the longest (?) contributing streak in Squelch history officially draws to a close. I was going to write a "final" piece commmemorating the last Squelch issue worked on by people I know but I ran out of time.

I believe it's safe to say that Sean is the longest contributing Squelcher. He is represented in eight years worth of Squelches: Volumes 7-14. There are a handful of six-year contributors, including Luke Filose (Volumes 7-12), Ben Birken (also Volumes 7-12), me (also also Volumes 7-12), and Kenny (Volumes 9-14).

And my stupid peanut movie newsflash was actually the last thing of mine that ran, which is kind of fitting in a way.

In any case, harumphs for Sean! Harumph! Harumph! Harumph!

Goddamit, I can't find the fascist top ten list. Though the "Top 2 things you don't want to see at Hot Topic" is pretty wonderful.

I was trying to find the first joke I ever contributed, and I think it was #6 in this list, Top Ten Songs About Paparazzi.

In my search, I found this wonderful uncredited newsflash (it's by Allen Haim) which has suddenly become timely again: Pope Enters Twentieth Century.

Thanks, holohan

I wish we could print up special collectors issues featuring just the work of a single writer. I don't think I've actually contributed enough for a whole 20 page magazine but I think there should be a special status reserved for those who have. Even if we never print them up.

Yeah, it could be like those "Best of Will Ferrell" SN tapes. Except completely different.

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on April 19, 2005 12:44 PM.

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