happy 37th to me


It's my birthday today. I share this birthday with, among others, Giants broadcaster Duane Kuiper and unfunny comic strip cat Garfield. This year, I also share a birthday with Father's Day, which happens every few years. When I have my own kids, I'm fully prepared to hear, "This is for your birthday and Father's Day." Temporary roommate Angela, who has a birthday near Christmas, sums up the issue this way: "I spent five extra dollars on your present, so it's just like two gifts." Of course, my kids will probably be sending me crap like cardboard bookmarks or lanyards or molds of their handprints. "This finger painting is for Father's Day and your birthday, Dad." Boy, don't knock yourselves out there, kids.

When I was a kid, the birthday was centered around food. I could choose the menu at every meal. Each one was served on a red plate that read, "You Are Special Today", which was my parents' way of saying, even though it's your birthday, you're still sort of retarded. Don't get arrogant, birthday boy. We know your true colors.

Father's Day hasn't changed throughout the years. Dad gets up at dawn and does chores around the house. Any available children are then rounded up for a forced march nature hike, along with our dog. This year, the hike has been skipped, bcause Molly is in South America, and seeing the remaining children's physical fitness might make Dad ashamed of having sired children in the first place. Later, Dad will do another six or seven hours of housework while international soccer football blares from the television. Three to four weeks later, Dad will receive his Father's Day gifts - lanyards in the shape of the Arsenal logo.

Happy Fathers Day, Dennis. Thanks for using the rhythm method.


Happy (belated) Birthday, Sean! At least you didn't have to go hiking on your birthday this year; that's a present in itself.

1. Happy Birthday! We totally would have celebrated if you told us on Saturday, you poop!

2. Visits with my mother ALWAYS include a forced march. When I mentioned this to her a few years ago she got very offended and said they were "always optional". That's motherguilt language for "kids who don't love me are of course welcome to drive".

I hope you dropped it like it was hot for your birthday. I really do.

You know though, I bought MVP 2004 for the PS2, featuring Kuiper on play by play, and as much as I liked the game I couldn't fully embrace it, because Mike Krukow kept calling him "Kuip". To me it always sounded like "kike". I found the whole thing very unsettling, and longed for All Star Baseball's dulcet tones of Thom Brennman and Steve Lyons.

This season I have MLB 06, which has Matt "Soft Rock" Vasgersian and Dave Campbell. Soup is no Psycho Lyons, but at least he doesn't hurl epithets.

February 2012
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
      1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29      

About This Site

Sean Keane on Tumblr

Sean Keane Comedy Dot Com
Short posts, better name-branding

Backup Blog

Friends and Associates

San Francisco Comedy

Fine Sporting Websites

Local Bands


Sean Keane's Internet Famousness

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on June 19, 2005 12:42 PM.

klown kollege, or how i learned to stop worrying and love getting shot out of a cannon was the previous entry in this blog.

russian river rafting announcement is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Powered by Movable Type 5.04