russian river rafting announcement


In Communist Russia, Volga River paddles you! Luckily, in good ol' capitalist America, we canoe on the Russian River. We haven't begun the era of perestroika yet, so this expedition will still be centrally planned for Sunday, July 10th, the anniversary of the beginning of Boris Yeltsin's first term as president of Russia.

The fun starts around noon, or 11 PM Moscow time, and should last until about 5 or 6 PM (or 4 to 5 AM, for Muscovites). We will leave in caravans from the Safeway parking lot, at Church and Market, at 10, so we have plenty of lead time for traffic, life jacket mishaps, and the inevitable 3-4 hour bread lines in Forestville.

DO bring: $27.50 each ($55 per two-person boat, though the boats can hold a third non-paddling person. In Russia, everyone has to paddle "oar" KGB investigate family!), sunscreen, river shoes (don't bang them on your desk!) lunch, the spirit of liberty, water, beer, fond memories of Yalta, a change of clothes, a sun-deflecting hat, and sunglasses.

DON'T bring: Rubles, fur hats, feudal economic structures, anti-cossack prejudices, borscht.

Because the KGB has not yet turned its attention to the Internet, secret Russian River history announcements can still be found here and here

Photo documentation of past covert rafting operations can be found here and here

Dossier on our canoe providers here

Our impending dominance of this River will be a metaphor for America's Cold War triumph over the Russkies, only with more singing and fewer space lasers. Be there, or be reported to the House Un-American Activities Committee.

Call dibs on rafting comrades in the comments section. Party members have priority.


Since I'm very fond of rafting and visiting wooded areas near fresh water, I'm very sad I won't be able to make it because I'll be visiting the Seine River instead. Perhaps my personal representative, Dr. V, will make an appearance on my behalf.

yeah, and i, UNFORTUNATELY, will be visiting the greek isles, or possibly on the 10th, istanbul (now constantinople). i'm not sure. 10th 10th...wait, no wait, i'll be in athens. anyway, the point is that i won't be russian for rubles in the river.

i look forward to seeing someone else document the journey though. history will stand the test of time, it's got little else to do but eat ham on rye. a bit of mayo in your cosmo?

i am not on crack. kristen, hurry up and hook me up with the vicoden.

You might not miss out entirely, as preliminary plans involve mounting a second assault on Russian territory in the early fall, proving we have learned nothing from the example of General Bonaparte.

Just remember that should you lose something overboard, you can always count on those rivertowns as a fine place to pick up some oars.

I'm in though I imagine you guessed that.

i'm in. but for god's sake, someone keep me away from the rope swing.

Meli and I are in. We'll canoe together. If a third person wants to join us for a nice Holohan sandwich, that would be fly.

Also, I reserve the right to spend the day talking about the duty of care owed to joint venturers, riparian water rights, and products liability for defective life jackets and helmets.

I would like to go, but won't be able to on Sunday because I have to look at houses. Carolyn would also like to go, but probably won't if I don't. Are you guys free on Saturday?

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