the office boyfriend


Just a few days ago, I learned that I am considered the "Office Boyfriend" where I work. I wasn't able to figure out exactly what that means, but I think an important part of that position involves not having a girlfriend, neither in the office nor outside.

Why am I the Office Boyfriend? It might be that I occasionally bake when it's someone's birthday. Occasionally I go out places with boyfriended co-workers, sometimes to see performances featuring other boyfriended co-workers. I am non-threatening, as well as consistently clean, with an inoffensive personal odor. Often I am seen carrying heavy things around the office.

I also apologize a lot.

This is not merely a heterosexist look at the Office Boyfriend role. For a brief time, I was a different kind of office boyfriend. When I first moved to San Francisco, I didn't have cable. But a week after moving west, I was homesick for baseball on television, and stopped in at the Pilsner Inn after work, not realizing it was a gay bar. I chilled there, completely oblivious, and even ended up having a beer with one of my co-workers, inadvertantly lending myself an air of sexual ambiguity. It is important that anyone in the office can project onto Office Boyfriend.


Events such as the ones you describe should not result in blog posts. Things like this should result in you moving to a new town with a new name and a new artificial persona.

Might I suggest Southern Plantation Owner?

How did you find this out? Did you and the Office Girlfriend (excuse me, Partner) have to have a Talk?

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on May 9, 2006 10:52 PM.

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