what to name my computer

Our new IT guy at the office sent out a questionnaire about our computing habits, technology issues, and any dissatisfaction with our work machines. The last question asked us to choose a name for our computers - anything we wanted, as long as it was a single word and memorable. "For some reason all our machines are named after planets and things from outer space," he wrote. "The Age of Aquarius is over."

The previous IT administration did name all our computers in astronomical fashion, though my machine retains its name from an earlier IT era that used musicians for its nomenclature. My machine, "McCartney", is one of only two to survive the regime change with its old name intact (the other is the claims computer, "Shakira"). It is possible that our computers were the only ones ever named after musical acts; a few weeks after I named "McCartney", the IT guy left for graduate school.

I wasn't opposed to a planetary name; I was just never forced to switch. I can understand that a new IT guy wants to come in and put his own stamp on the office, though I suspect some of the renaming is inspired by a reluctance to type out "Cassiopeaia". I probably would have selected something immature like "Uranus", especially since the cool planets like Saturn and Mars were snapped up by people with more seniority. Luckily, I didn't end up with the "Pluto" computer, which was downgraded to a word processor two years ago.

My old computer name was half-serious, half-ironic, which matches my feelings for most things (and people) that I enjoy. I like Paul McCartney, but I also think he's ridiculous.* My home computer is named "Mulligan", which alludes to both Ulysses, and the many mistakes I've made with it.

So now I need a new name. The candidates:


Pros: Continues the Beatles tradition of the old computer name. I work on Harrison Street, so it works for that one, too.

Cons: I might be unconsciously plagiarizing the name from another computer. And what if the computer follows the example of William Henry Harrison and dies in 30 days?


Cons: Dude?

Pros: Dude!


Pros: Named after the scientist who develops a hyper-intelligent computer to run America's nuclear defense in Colossus: The Forbin Project. Shot where I used to work Lawrence Hall of Science! The Colossus supervisors are executed on the plaza, right where Pheena the Fin Whale would later live.

Cons: Forbin's computer becomes sentient and eventually establishes authority over the entire planet, enslaving humanity and eliminating freedom. Forbin didn't do the best job, basically.


Pros: My work is tiresome. Many of our clients end up back in jail, even when we help them get out. And while my job is to close case files, we create new case files longer than I could possibly clear them out.

Cons: Nerd name!

Vote for your favorite in the comments!

* a fake Paul McCartney song called "El Nino":

The rain goes drippety-drip
The drains go glubbety-glub
My heart goes flippety-flip
'Cause I'm in love

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This page contains a single entry by Sean Keane published on October 23, 2008 4:10 PM.

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