Tumblr is down; Brooklyn is soft

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I have abandoned Zembla in favor of SeanKeaneComedy.com a while ago, and really, abandoned Sean Keane Comedy for an assortment of sports Tumblrs. So Sunday's epic Tumblr outage was quite distressing to my blogging life, especially since it was an NFL Sunday. Many close games, uncommented, coaches unmocked, athlete photos uncaptioned with hilarity. More maddening was Tumblr's actual response to the outage, one that reads as twee as the site itself, which is primarily driven by photos of cute cats and Zooey Deschanel.

"We're working quickly to recover from a major issue in one of our database clusters. We're incredibly sorry for the inconvenience."

That's the error message, and they also tweeted it. Of course, the official site status is updated on a Tumblr blog. (As is Twitter's! Hope they never go down at the same time!) But for some reason, the word "incredibly" is what infuriates me. "I'm incredibly sorry" really means, "Oh my gosh, you are so mad at me, aren't you?" Overly earnest, but also ineffectual. Which is basically what you'd expect from a company whose staff looks like this:

tumblrstaff.jpg

If this had happened to a tech company in California, people would be working feverishly to resolve the problem. They'd be going without sleep, chugging Red Bulls, and bugging their doctor friends to put them on Adderall IVs. But Tumblr is based in Brooklyn! I imagine the conversation Sunday afternoon went something like this.

"Guys, I know we still have a lot of database issues. But this yoga class is only once a week. My body is telling me i really need to go."
"That's cool, Meaghan. I have tickets to Neutral Milk Hotel's secret show at the Knitting Factory anyway."
"OK, we'll write an apology, then go decompress at the Life Cafe."
"Can we do a staff star pose before we leave?"
"Of course we can."

tumblrstaff2.jpg

Fuck you, Brooklyn!

Election daze in San Francisco

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P1000359.jpg

I was excited to vote for this guy, Rafael Mandelman, in SF's supervisorial elections this November. I like his politics, he's endorsed by my good friend Nato Green, and just look at that face! Totally bald, and like me, he doesn't really know how to smile in pictures. If a politician hasn't figured out a photogenic fake smile, that tells me he can't possibly be corrupt. The slick smile comes first; the bribes and graft follow.

Unfortunately, I cannot vote for Mr. Mandelman because I am no longer a resident of my beloved District 8. I'm with a few hundred feet of being in District 6, the dominion (for one month more) of loose cannon Supervisor Chris Daly, who fights for affordable housing, uses the word "fuck" at nearly every meeting, tried to eliminate the position of Police Chief, and called Gavin Newsom a cokehead in front of the whole Board. Chris Daly is awesome. But I do not live in District 6.

I live down the street in District 9. District 9! We (well, they - I didn't live here) elected our supervisor in 2008: David Campos, a Spanish-speaking gay man who moved to America at age 14, as an undocumented immigrant from Guatemala. If Mr. Campos also rides a fixed-gear bike and enjoys the music of the Arcade Fire, he could not be more perfect for this neighborhood. Still, I do expect a tough re-election fight in 2012 if Mr. Campos goes up against the only more ideal candidate than him to represent District 9 - a prawn.

District-9_l.jpg

 

So absent any true district-wide electoral dram, I will have to contend myself with voting for Proposition 19. Please take a moment and look at the pro-19 website - not because of the information, or quality of arguments, but because the site was clearly designed by someone who smokes a lot of marijuana. There's huge buttons for everything, a childish drawing of the sun for no reason, and 4-5 different fonts. They allow you to register to vote right there on the site, which is half the battle, but I hope the pro-legalization folks have a plan to mobilize voters on Election Day. Less "Get out the Vote," and more "Get the Voters Out of Bed."

Keane Defeats Keane

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It's been a long and hard-fought struggle, but I am finally the top Sean Keane in the Google rankings. Zembla, sweet neglected Zembla, my first blog love and former constant online companion, has stalled out at #5 in search results for "sean keane", but Sean Keane Comedy Dot Com has reached the pinnacle, finally passing the honey-voiced Irish tenor Sean Keane. What turned the tide? Better name-branding, lower-quality, higher-frequency posts, and the fact that SeanKeane.com mysteriously disappeared from the internet.

I'd like to take this time to thank everyone who helped this crazy dream become a reality, including all the Sean Keanes everywhere. The first round is on me at the long-awaited Sean Keane Konvention, still preliminarily scheduled to take place in Keansburg, New Jersey on December 21, 2012.

In conclusion, here is the #4 "Sean Keane" image search result:

seankeane-os.jpg

The above is Dr. Dre's new commercial for Dr. Pepper. It's fine for what it is, but I think we can agree that it doesn't use Dr. Dre to his full potential. I took the liberty of writing some new treatments for Dre/Pepper commercials, most of which are quite Xplosive.

* * *

Snoop and Dre are at an outdoor barbecue in Compton. G-Funk music plays, we see ribs on the grill, and Snoop opens a large refrigerator to reveal that it's full of frosty 40-ounce bottles of Dr. Pepper. Also, Warren G is there playing volleyball. He undoes this girl's top, and then Snoop and Dre blast her with bottles of Dr. Pepper. At first she's mad, but then some of the Dr. Pepper gets sprayed in her mouth, and she says, "Wow, I can taste all 23 flavors." Dre smiles and says, "Ain't nuthin' but a P thang."

* * *

Eminem is drinking a 20-ounce bottle of Dr. Pepper when Dre comes in with a letter from Eminem's biggest fan, Sam. As he reads the letter, we see flashbacks of the fan chugging Mountain Dew and suffering from cavities, then getting on a sugar high and playing extreme sports all crazy. The whole time, Dido is singing that Diet Dr. Pepper is not so bad, not so bad. Eminem writes back and tells the guy that he should switch to Dr. Pepper, while Dre nods knowingly. Eminem explains that he had a fan who drank so much Mountain Dew, he slipped into a diabetic coma and died - and his name was Sam, too. Then we realize, OH SHIT IT'S THE SAME GUY! Dre shakes his head and says, "Damn," then he and Eminem solemnly pour Dr. Pepper on the ground.

* * *

Rapper "Sleazy-E", in soda deliveryman uniform, is building a Sierra Mist display in a supermarket with a Muzak version of George Clinton's "Atomic Dog" playing in the background. Suddenly, a shadow appears over Sleazy-E and the regular song kicks in. It's Snoop and Dre! Snoop says, "Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay, Dr. Pepper's in the motherfuckin' house!" Dre knocks over the display, swinging a two-liter of Dr. Pepper like a club. Sleazy-E tries to run away, visibly wetting his pants in fear, but Snoop and Dre are too fast for him. Snoop pins his arms, and Dre forces a bottle of Dr. Pepper into his mouth, saying, "Gap teeth in your mouth, so my two-liter's got to fit." Sleazy-E struggles, but as he drinks the Dr. Pepper, his Jheri curl hairstyle softens, and his appearance morphs, and by the time the bottle is empty, it's Tupac! (played by an impostor) Tupac opens his eyes and says, "Like California - DR. PEPPER knows how to party."

* * *

Dr. Dre is sitting in his low rider, hitting the switches and activating the hydraulics. The camera pulls back to reveal that Dre is not actually on the streets, but rather in a very fancy garage. A uniformed butler walks up and brings Dre a tray, upon which sits a bowl of caviar, a Cuban cigar, and a crystal carafe full of Dr. Pepper. The servant opens the garage door to reveal that Dre's house is overlooking a white sand beach, and four more servants enter to fan Dre with palm leaves as he sips his Dr. Pepper. Dre's servant puts a match to a hundred dollar bill, and Dre uses the flaming bill to light his cigar. Then Dre says, "Dr. Pepper has 23 flavors. That's one for every million dollars I make in a month." Also you can see a really nice set of golf clubs in the back seat behind Dre.

* * *
Dr. Dre strides through a Dr. Pepper bottling plant with "Still D.R.E." playing behind him. "I'm representing for the Peppers all across the world," Dre says, slamming a lever that releases a torrent of cans. "Still hitting the taste buds with 23 flavors," he says, hopping onto a forklift. Dre opens a can of Dr. Pepper and takes a long gulp. "And I still got love for the sweets. It's the D-R-P."

* * *

(This one is a synergistic effort with the new ABC drama Flash Forward). Two FBI agents stand on an overpass, looking down at a freeway strewn with wrecked cars. Their faces show disbelief, and extreme thirst. "I've never seen such destruction," says the first agent. "You mean to tell me that for two minutes and seventeen seconds, everyone on Earth just...?"

"Forgot about Dre. Yes. And just look what happened," answers the second agent.

"Even the survivors...they're moving their lips, but nothing comes out but a bunch of gibberish."

They look behind them to see a helicopter landing. At the controls is Dr. Dre. He hops out and jogs over, arms full of Dr. Pepper bottles.

"We thought you were dead, Dre!" exclaims the first agent.

"No, I've been in a lab with a pen and a pad, trying to get these damn flavors off," Dre answers, tossing a 20-ounce bottle to each agent. They chug mightily, and sigh.

"Dre, you'll never be forgotten again," says the second agent.

"And neither will Dr. Pepper," answers Dre.

* * *

There's a crowd of hos assembled in the waiting area of the emergency room. Dre is wearing a doctor coat, a stethoscope and one of those headbands with a mirror on it. Eventually there's some line about chronic dehydration.

* * *

Dre is home watching the movie Soul Plane on a massive plasma-screen television. We see Dre's face, intercut with a montage of Snoop Dogg's performance as the captain of the Soul Plane. Dre looks offended, and progressively more disappointed and disgusted. He picks up his cell phone and calls his agent. "Tell Dr. Pepper I'll do it," he says. "There's worse ways to sell out than doing a soda commercial." Dre turns off the television and sits alone in the darkness for the next fifteen seconds. It's hard to tell for sure, but it's possible that Dre is weeping.

my chimichanga restaurant

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It has long been my dream to open a chimichanga-only restaurant. Not just a restaurant that specializes in chimichangas, but an all-chimichanga, all-the-time kind of establishment. I'd call it the "Chimnasium."

The whole menu is just chimichangas. Daily special? It's a chimichanga. Salads? The closest thing we have is a chimichanga with romaine lettuce inside. Appetizers? A tiny plate of chimichangas will do a lot to whet your appetite. Kids menu? 2/3-size chimichangas. Maybe they can get a burger and fries, but that burger will be wrapped in a tortilla - along with the french fries - and deep-fried. Soup? We can't really explain how, but that soup is inside the chimichanga. Sorry, trade secret, fellas. Dessert? Have you heard of the Choco Taco? Try the Baklava Chimichanga on for size. (Hint: The phyllo dough is deep-fried, and there's more refried beans than most Greek pastry chefs would use.)

But you're really depriving yourself if you don't order off of the main chimichanga menu. Here's a partial rundown of what's out there for you:

Chimi Hendrix: Served on fire. Warning: After eating the Chimi Hendrix, be careful not to choke on your own vomit.

Chimi Rollins: Leads off the menu, speeds through your digestive system.

Chimi Stewart: Filling consists of a giant chunks of rabbit, and it's garnished with Zuzu's petals. Honestly, this item might make you wish you'd never been born.

Chimi Hoffa: A fried chorizo burrito, buried under cheese, sour cream, guacamole, jalapenos, mole sauce, and three feet of concrete. Half-price for Teamsters. We will do our best to get the Chimi Hoffa into concession stands at Giants Stadium.

Lady Chimichangaga: Bizarre in appearance - some might say a little gross - but this item inexplicably enjoys massive popularity.

Chimi Crack Corn: The burrito is stuffed with undercooked corn, but sprinkled with crack, so you won't care.

Chimi Fallon: The chef keeps cracking up at his own jokes while preparing the burrito, so the end result is sloppy and unpredictable. Full of baloney. Not a smart late-night option.

Jules et Chim: Fried burrito filled with escargot, brie, and ennui.

Chimi Dean: A sausage burrito. Not to be confused with the Chimi Leans, which are filled with tofu and olestra.

Chimi Olson: Has a subservient, homoerotic relationship with the Superman chimichanga.

Chimi Breslin: Instead of being deep-fried, it's hard-boiled.

Chim Chimmenny: Bangers and mash and refried beans. Served by a waiter who does a terrible British accent.

Chimi Durante: Warning - this salsa is hot-cha-cha-cha.

A chimi joke about your mama that you might not like: She thought "nacho cheese" was cheese you stole off another diner's plate. Also, I heard she was a 'Frisco dyke.

Chimi Eat World: Item was more popular back in 2002. Only memorable part is the middle.

Chimi Chimi Cocoa Puff, Chimi Chimi Rah: Burrito goes down down baby, down down the roller coaster. Served with a biscuit - a Triscuit. Eating this will make you feel like you've been socked in the stomach three times.

Chimi hat: Much like using a condom, simply eating this condom after sex with prevent 99% of unwanted pregnancies. The tortilla has a reservoir tip.

Chim Crowichanga: Black beans are served separately.

Chimijenga: Remove just one ingredient, and the whole thing falls apart.

I will be accepting applications from investors, as well as dinner reservations, starting now. And if any Top Chef champion chefs are interested in jumping on board, you know how to reach me.

"Joey Devine Is A Superstar" is happening tonight at the Dark Room. It's an exciting monthly showcase dedicated to standup comedy, videos, and advancing the cause of Joey Devine's superstardom. Last month, Joey debuted an ambitiously-titled feature called "The Movie Game". Comics draw two actors from one hat and a genre from another at the start of the show, then have until the end of the show to write and deliver a movie pitch involving those elements. Let's take a look at last month's participants and the blockbuster ideas they came up with.

Joey Devine
Actors: Al Pacino and Anthony Hopkins
Genre: Oscar bait drama

Pitch: In Castro!, Al Pacino plays 60-year-old Fidel Castro, and Anthony Hopkins plays 70-year-old Fidel Castro. 70-year-old Castro has to travel through time to warn 60-year-old Castro about the exploding cigars that JFK sent through the space-time continuum.

Sean Keane
Actors: Tom Cruise and Antonio Banderas
Genre: Sexy movie

Pitch: Tom Cruise plays Bill Yards, a legendary pool hustler who wants to learn to dance. Antonio Banderas is Juan Momento, a Spanish salsa instructor who needs to win a billiards tournament to avoid being deported. In a series of tender scenes, Cruise teaches Banderas how to play pool, and Banderas teaches Cruise how to have anal sex. The movie is called Corner Pocket.

Julien Rodriguez
Actors: Shaquille O'Neal and Robin Williams
Genre: Buddy movie

Pitch: You Got Served 2: Tall Order
Barack "Brickfeet" Sharpton (Shaq) is a waiter by day, aspiring Chris Brown backup dancer by night. Dallas Raines (Robin Williams) is a post-op transgender man who was once a Rockette dancer in NY. He comes out of retirement to teach Sharpton the art of dance. It's basically You Got Served meets Finding Forrester meets My Giant.

Chris Thayer (had two pitches,; I can't remember the other one)
Actors: Vin Diesel and John Cusack
Genre: Romantic comedy

Pitch: Vin Diesel plays a homophobic operator, whose world is changed when he gets stuck with World Blowjob Champion John Cusack. See the sparks fly in Going Down.

Nick Stargu, AKA "DJ Real" (The Winner)
Actors: Cedric the Entertainer and That Kid From Twilight
Genre: Horror movie

Pitch: The movie opens with That Kid From Twilight sitting in an electric chair. He stares at the camera, and says, "No more Mr. Nice guy." Then gets electrocuted. The next scene has Cedric the Entertainer buying a shirt with his girlfriend, but he's sick of buying clothes. But his girlfriend is like, "Come on baby, try this one on. Another shirt won't kill you." Except, this happens to be the same shirt that That Kid From Twilight wore when he was executed. And it will kill him. So the whole movie is him fighting this killer shirt. It's called, Clothes Call.


Vlogblog.com Blogging

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(Note: Louise and I were discussing our idea for a 21st-century social network called "Faceplace". I told her there was no way the domain name was available, due to its similarity to other big site names, and because it was made up of two simple rhyming nouns.)

Louise: I like the idea of randomly buying rhyming domain names
Louise: turdherd.com
Louise: butterclutter.com
Louise: germfirm.com
Sean: turdherd.com is available
Sean: I might buy it for Omar
Sean: germfirm.com is taken
Sean: butterclutter, also available
Louise: So great!
Louise: This is a fun game
Louise: mouseblouse.com
Sean: dreamcream.com
Louise: toastboast.com
Sean: Mouseblouse.com was purchased in October of 2006
Louise: Amazing
Sean: This makes me want to write a movie called "Turd Herd"
Sean: Just so it wouldn't have to be turdherd-themovie.com
Sean: Dream Dream is an actual product
Sean: That increases a woman's sexual stimulation
Sean: At last!
Sean: "Uses amino acids to improve the frequency and intensity of orgasms."
Sean: Also, Dream Cream's manufacturers claim it is "discreet"
Sean: I guess, you could apply it on the bus or something?
Louise: I wonder if every possible rhyme with "blog" is taken?
Louise: fogblog.com
Louise: dogblog.com
Louise: hogblog.com
Louise: Oh weird
Louise: pogblog.com
Louise: Teen youth group site
Sean: Whoa dude
Sean: Pogs are the devil
Louise: So great that once upon a time
Louise: Some super cheeseball youth minister was like, "How are we going to get the kids excited about this website?"
Louise: "I hear they are into the pogs"
Sean: You know when that crazy youth minister had that brainstorm?
Sean: November of 2007
Louise: HAHAHAHA
Sean: Fogblog is owned by a guy who lives on in SF
Louise: We should go grafitti his house
Louise: To try to bully him into giving up fogblog
Louise: FOGBLOG GO HOME
Sean: FOGBLOG UNFAIR
Sean: FACESPACE > FOGBLOG
Louise: Make love not fogblog
Louise: grogblog.com
Louise: Also owned
Sean: Australian-owned
Louise: Yes!
Sean: An excerpt from vlogblog.com
Sean: "Vlogging has arrived. Of course vlogging has arrived. But it struck me again how much it has arrived when I saw the video ad above from AOL News.
It occured to me that our popular culture reference points for this time in history will be vlogs as much as anything else. Surely they won't be the types of things that reference other eras -- American Bandstand outtakes, Saturday Night Live skits, or clips from MTV's The Real World."
Sean: "User-generated video. That's our time. It is officially the Vlog Era."
Sean: Filed on February 29th of 2008
Louise: This guy has put a lot of faith in vlogs
Sean: That is the third-to-last post
Louise: He died of starvation in his house
Louise: Waiting for the vlog revolution to arrive
Sean: Apparently, the vlog blog era officially ended 18 months ago
Sean: Keeps uploading his grocery requests to youtube
Sean: Stubbornly refusing to call 911

(I'll try to release this in vlog form soon.)

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

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It's Obama's birthday, or at least, the anniversary of the date printed on his unconstitutional Kenyan forgery. Ex-roommate-abroad Geetika mentions that non-Americans haven't really adjusted to Obama's election, and she still gets a lot of crap about George Bush. I gave her some advice, which can be used by anyone traveling abroad.

Here's what you say whenever someone gives you crap about George Bush, or being an American:

"You know, I could come back with some harsh, sweeping generalizations about you and people from your country just because of who your president is, but since I'm American, I don't know who your president, or prime minister, or chief voodoo emperor is, and I am never going to take the time to find out. Now please bring me some salty snacks and show me where the television is."

Argument over, "Baywatch" starting. Here are some gift ideas for the president:

1. Cigarettes
2. Bud Light
3. A nice card
4. Lipstick...for pigs! (in your FACE Sarah Palin!)
5. Bipartisan consensus on health care reform
6. Sleepwear with his initials on it, labeled "Barack Po'jamas"
7. Some candlesticks or a nice PRODUCE THE REAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE YOU INDONESIAN-BORN IMPOSTOR!!!

Sarantos Studios

These amazing videos do not need any commentary, but in case one of these acting demos happens to move you, here the requisite contact info:

Free service for acting students of Sarantos Studios in Chicago performing material for viewing by casting directors of student films and low budget feature films.
1-708-848-1100

WILLIAM MA.

TODD LA RUE.

DEE CHAPMAN.

CHRISTOPHER MIDKIFF does a monologue from "Heat".

Harold Dennis does "Training Day".

More, so much more, on the Sarantos Studios channel.

For the past few months (and every third Friday this summer), I have been producing comedy shows built around a very marginal "Sean" pun. First it was "The Seanukkah Show" back in December, and most recently, it was "The Seanshank Redemption". In a few weeks, on my 30th birthday, you can see "Sean Keane Going on 30", where I channel my inner Jennifer Garner.

The first really solid realization of this concept came in March, when I did "Sean In 60 Seconds". The opening of the show featured me as Nicolas Cage, decoding coded messages about hair plugs, Lisa Marie Presley, and the perils of naming your son after Superman. Eventually, "Nicolas" showed his own self-produced blockbuster action movie, entitled "Gone In 60 Seconds 2: Book of Secrets", which I now present to you, gentle Zembla reader.

Gone In 60 Seconds 2: Book of Secrets from Sean Keane on Vimeo.

More Entries

Tumblr is down; Brooklyn is soft - December 6, 2010
Election daze in San Francisco - October 6, 2010
Keane Defeats Keane - October 21, 2009
Pitches for other Dr. Dre Dr. Pepper commercials - September 24, 2009
my chimichanga restaurant - September 19, 2009
"The Movie Game", presented by Joey Devine - September 3, 2009
Vlogblog.com Blogging - August 19, 2009
Happy Birthday, Mr. President - August 4, 2009
Sarantos Studios - June 15, 2009
Gone in 60 Seconds 2: Book of Secrets - June 3, 2009
Zembla design 2: Back in the Habit - May 29, 2009
my new web series, "elevator to space" - May 29, 2009
Scenes From Classic 80's Films, If Their Budgets Had Been Drastically Cut - March 17, 2009
the half million dollar prank - March 4, 2009
redheads love sean keane - February 19, 2009
the george washington memorial parkway - February 5, 2009
"Enormously Fat Squirrels": The Keane-Brodie Groundhog Day Summit of 2009 - February 3, 2009
santa claus stand-up from "the seanukkah show" - December 12, 2008
Seanukkah Magic - December 10, 2008
veterans day 2: this time it's personal - November 13, 2008
what sarah palin is saying - October 28, 2008
the death of the superman (from 2000) - October 27, 2008
despair is the aftertaste of workplace pride, on vimeo! - October 24, 2008
political comedy from ford street - October 23, 2008
what to name my computer - October 23, 2008
Sean Keane Breaks Down Sarah Palin's Appeal - October 21, 2008
are you a healthier eater than a fifth grader? - October 21, 2008
The Halftime Speech - October 17, 2008
sean complains about "the office" - October 16, 2008
the taco surge - October 15, 2008
mccain = maverick - October 3, 2008
manoj - September 27, 2008
frown land, october 10th - September 21, 2008
mccain, palin, and blinking - September 16, 2008
blogging the roll call vote - September 4, 2008
belize it or guat, part four: central american booze - September 2, 2008
an excerpt from my romance novel, "the irish whisperer" - August 22, 2008
belize it or guat, part three: pasayos y huérfanos - July 19, 2008
swing vote and the power of costner - July 12, 2008
belize it or guat, part two: harper's index of my vacation - July 9, 2008
belize it or guat, part one: the return - June 30, 2008
garfield is correct - June 20, 2008
singles night: the aftermath - June 18, 2008
singles night at at&t park - June 17, 2008
marcus robinson retires as a chicago bear - June 15, 2008
how gene is like iron man - June 13, 2008
box office poison: iron man - June 12, 2008
election reflections - June 4, 2008
a sean keane update - June 3, 2008
my father's internet famousness - May 30, 2008
interview with joe gorman: the more you know - May 28, 2008
you flop with who brung you - May 28, 2008
antagonistic behavior from my youth, part 3: what do i want? - May 23, 2008
errol morris, abu ghraib, alice in wonderland, weekend at bernie's, and saying cheese - May 21, 2008
interleague baseball weekend roundup - May 20, 2008
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the facial hair of personal rejuvenation - April 24, 2008
what i learned in arizona - April 13, 2008
the onion comedy series presents kasper hauser, 4/21/08 - April 12, 2008
the olympic torch - April 9, 2008
a brief photo essay about whole foods market - March 28, 2008
subterranean comedy - where the buffalo roams - March 28, 2008
the ed forman show, live, march 19th - March 19, 2008
aunt agnes: local celebrity - March 18, 2008
my sister is not dead - March 17, 2008
baseball takes the bus - March 13, 2008
if the oscar nominees were san francisco giants - March 13, 2008
new friends on the internet - March 11, 2008
ebony & irony @ julie's supper club, tonight! - March 6, 2008
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if it wasn't for self-promotion, you know i wouldn't have no promotion at all - February 21, 2008
uncomfortable conversation hearts 2: the revenge - February 18, 2008
this little piggy went to market - February 14, 2008
on being sick and being fat - February 8, 2008
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new links to explore - February 1, 2008
shows to check out this weekend, part 1: friday night - January 31, 2008
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why six feet or taller? - January 8, 2008
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tedford, throughout history - January 3, 2008
il n'est pas chris garcia - January 2, 2008
that's what tiggers do best - December 29, 2007
exciting tolkien news - December 27, 2007
my favorite carols, part four: have yourself a merry little christmas - December 23, 2007
my favorite carols, part 3: sweet little jesus boy - December 21, 2007
fun facts about "uhf" - December 21, 2007
my favorite carols, part two: jingle bells - December 20, 2007
my favorite carols, part 1: i'll be home for christmas - December 19, 2007
why am i such a misfit? i am not just a nitwit. - December 17, 2007
the mitchell report - December 16, 2007
the nfl and the rebus - December 7, 2007
the table of bad jerseys - December 3, 2007
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print famousness: east bay express - November 29, 2007
some thoughts on veterans day - November 13, 2007
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interview with matt kirshen on sfstandup - November 12, 2007
columbus chat - November 10, 2007
pakistan and bootleg dvds - November 6, 2007
baby faces post-mortem: an interview with host amir malekpour - November 3, 2007
thomas crapper's name is merely coincidence - November 1, 2007
boston red sox: like rooting for cancer? - October 31, 2007
interview with joe gorman, founder of the baby faces of comedy tour - October 30, 2007
movie tips: the important necklace - October 29, 2007
jesus gives up on the rockies - October 28, 2007
baby faces of comedy tour, october 30th - October 26, 2007
the person who speaks spanish is not here - October 25, 2007
proof of youth - October 19, 2007
in rainbows - you used to be alright. what happened? - October 13, 2007
blackwater - October 9, 2007
your source for all things jigar - October 9, 2007
happy columbus day! - October 8, 2007
preparing for game three, part four: indians-yankees - October 7, 2007
preparing for game three, part three: phillies-rockies - October 6, 2007
preparing for game three, part two: cubs-diamondbacks - October 6, 2007
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treehouse green gifts - October 2, 2007
mo mandel: open mic fight champ - October 2, 2007
one-game playoff spectacular - October 1, 2007
505: the civilization express - October 1, 2007
matt cain gets no support - September 29, 2007
standup comedians can be big jerks - September 28, 2007
re-examing songs of my youth, part 6: "save the best for last" - September 27, 2007
just let me wash your body til the break of day - September 25, 2007
The Heuristic Squelch Comedy Experience, 10/10/07 - September 24, 2007
blah blah blah! (a talk show), this friday - September 20, 2007
if you want to have cities you've got to build roads: cake's hatred of traffic - September 19, 2007
million-dollar idea: capri sun cocktails - September 18, 2007
vote for mo mandel - September 14, 2007
mathematically eliminated - September 13, 2007
britney spears & unpleasant stimuli - September 13, 2007
my 9/11 tribute act - September 12, 2007
too soon? - September 11, 2007
he is microwave popcorn - September 10, 2007
prank war continues: amir goes too far? - September 10, 2007
unintentional open mic comedy, part one: show some courage for me - September 9, 2007
billionaires for bush come to australia - September 8, 2007
ebony & irony presents, tonight! - September 7, 2007
cal vs. tennessee: part one - September 6, 2007
getting experienced - September 6, 2007
the heuristic squelch comedy experience, 9/5/07 - September 4, 2007
dream journal, 5/11/05: don't diss ludacris - August 30, 2007
a conversation about spirit animals - August 29, 2007
my mutant power - August 23, 2007
vote for alex koll - August 22, 2007
sean keane's top songs of 2006, part two - August 13, 2007
a photo that looks like america - August 13, 2007
iron comic: the recap - August 10, 2007
iron blogging: "friends having babies" - August 3, 2007
iron comic preview blog - August 3, 2007
finals recap - August 2, 2007
the diary of matt morris - August 1, 2007
sean keane's top songs of 2006, part one - August 1, 2007
returning to the finals - July 28, 2007
voted best blog about tahoe - July 24, 2007
sonic youth @ berkeley community theater, 7/19 - July 21, 2007
full contact comedy, july 24th - July 12, 2007
tony larussa and the all-star game - July 11, 2007
the jerseys of fan fest - July 10, 2007
nato green's iron comic 8/3 @ make-out room - July 9, 2007
humm bloggy: july 7th - giants 7, cardinals 6 - July 8, 2007
humm bloggy: giants 4, cardinals 3 - July 7, 2007
humm bloggy: reds 6, giants 3, 7/5/07 - July 6, 2007
sean keane print famousness - July 6, 2007
humm bloggy: giants 9, reds 5 - July 5, 2007
new feature: humm bloggy - July 3, 2007
chappelle's apocalypto-cal set - July 2, 2007
technology and mean older brother pranks - July 1, 2007
whitewashing the nba draft - June 27, 2007
a short conversation from the stevie nicks concert - June 27, 2007
flag day comes only once a year - June 15, 2007
we sacrifice like lambs - June 14, 2007
sf beer & oyster festival - June 7, 2007
omar and sean discuss cavs-pistons - June 1, 2007
memories of prop 227 - June 1, 2007
get vitamins or die tryin - May 31, 2007
ebony & irony presents, june 1st - May 30, 2007
belated memorial day post - May 29, 2007
azia kim, the modern-day buddy teevens - May 25, 2007
blah blah blah! - a talk show - 5/26, 10 pm - May 25, 2007
sean keane college tour @ stanford - May 22, 2007
more typekey defiance - May 22, 2007
the nba coaching carousel - May 19, 2007
1.2 hours of fitness - May 19, 2007
stu jackson, traffic cop - May 17, 2007
a team-building night out with the warriors - May 15, 2007
lancer-franc update the second - May 15, 2007
sour shrek skittles - May 15, 2007
jokes from the shrek 3 commemorative cheez-it box - May 13, 2007
lancer-franc update - May 13, 2007
the most responsible alcoholic blackout of all time - May 12, 2007
last minute sean keane booking, 5/11 - May 11, 2007
kenny rogers, photographer - May 11, 2007
why can't french players shoot free throws anymore? - May 10, 2007
the greatest prank war of all time - May 9, 2007
sean keane college tour @ sf state - May 9, 2007
fairly great, not that american - May 9, 2007
local news seals the deal - May 8, 2007
bill swerski's superfans, game 3 edition - May 8, 2007
more effects of typekey registration - May 7, 2007
a conversation between tony parker and zinedine zidane - May 6, 2007
what really happened at the end of game 5 - May 3, 2007
demian bulwa's notebook - May 2, 2007
squelch references in odd places - May 2, 2007
a seventh-grade bully recaps the nba weekend - April 30, 2007
early effects of typekey registration - April 30, 2007
ilkka speaks some geek - April 30, 2007
sean keane college tour - April 29, 2007
tv recommendation - April 22, 2007
don imus and queen latifah - April 13, 2007
the eggs-traordinary easter of 2005 - April 7, 2007
more australian video fun - April 3, 2007
go coach for a rec team, brother - March 10, 2007
sean keane @ sf comedy club, 3/24 - March 9, 2007
eli manning vs. wayne palmer - March 6, 2007
sneezing and the observer effect - March 3, 2007
oscar rodeo: the show - February 28, 2007
keane-coached athlete makes good - February 27, 2007
a very sad e-card - February 26, 2007
oscar rodeo: letters from iwo jima - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: the last king of scotland - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: the devil wears prada - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: half nelson - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: venus - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: the pursuit of happyness - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: little children - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: blood diamond - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: little miss sunshine - February 25, 2007
oscar rodeo: the queen - February 24, 2007
oscar rodeo: the departed - February 23, 2007
oscar rodeo: babel - February 23, 2007
oscar rodeo: dreamgirls - February 22, 2007
more whale watching - February 20, 2007
whale watching - February 17, 2007
uncomfortable conversation hearts - February 14, 2007
if the fellowship of the ring had instant messenger, part 2 - February 14, 2007
you say it's your birthday? it's my birthday, too! - February 12, 2007
observations from super bowl xli - February 8, 2007
if the fellowship of the ring had instant messenger, part 1 - February 5, 2007
What else to look for in the super bowl - February 4, 2007
What to look for in the Super Bowl - February 4, 2007
international names for "growing pains" - February 2, 2007
the homoerotic world of phil simms: championship game edition - January 23, 2007
candynalysis: green tingleberry now & later - January 20, 2007
hey, what's up, babel? - January 18, 2007
all you need to know about alice/evanescence fans - January 16, 2007
flashback 1998: what do you want on your tombstone? - January 12, 2007
saddam execution videos - January 3, 2007
keane family christmas cards - December 25, 2006
adios, el tapatio - December 22, 2006
negativity friendships - December 12, 2006
adios, uribe - December 9, 2006
laugh your axe off - November 30, 2006
thanksgiving is a time to hike - November 27, 2006
a monologue from the 15 line - November 21, 2006
life is the crummiest book i ever read - November 20, 2006
for my consideration - November 20, 2006
flashback 2005: overheard in berkeley - November 17, 2006
thank you, ucpd - November 16, 2006
sean keane komedy kataklysm - November 15, 2006
when i met ed bradley - November 9, 2006
the nfl's little brother - November 2, 2006
meet the hypnotic brass ensemble - November 2, 2006
halloween violence in the castro - November 1, 2006
some tips for halloween - October 31, 2006
the magic hour - October 28, 2006
true crime update! - October 24, 2006
true crime in my neighborhood - October 23, 2006
the emotional kenny rogers - October 22, 2006
why myspace is jacked - October 21, 2006
you're the electronics that hold the sky up from the ground - October 19, 2006
a deleted scene from my sister's wedding - October 18, 2006
happy birthday molly! - October 17, 2006
grudge two q & a - October 16, 2006
harper's index for my recent wireless internet outage - October 16, 2006
animal excrement in my neighborhood - October 12, 2006
happy birthday kati vol - October 11, 2006
did brent musburger bet on the cal-oregon game? - October 11, 2006
marco! scutaro! - October 10, 2006
how the a's can still blow it - October 6, 2006
cheese and stuff girl - October 4, 2006
man man? yes yes! - October 4, 2006
previewing the baseball playoffs with hate - October 3, 2006
the contra costa times loves zembla - October 3, 2006
your wedding q&a - October 1, 2006
tuxedo in the trunk - September 28, 2006
something positive about joe theisman - September 27, 2006
excerpts from my meditation journal - September 26, 2006
nfl roundup, week three - September 25, 2006
the raiders audition new quarterbacks - September 21, 2006
kneel before kielty!: the two dolla wednesday year in review - September 20, 2006
my doppelganger, timmy williams - September 19, 2006
ways to tell that your roommate is secretly dating humpty hump - September 18, 2006
candynalysis: cherry cola candee slurpee - September 17, 2006
history's greatest speeches, as delivered by the cal mic man - September 15, 2006
the guardian - September 13, 2006
sean keane @ sf comedy club, september 22 - September 12, 2006
my september 11th story - September 11, 2006
dangerous animals remember steve irwin, part four: timothy the louse - September 10, 2006
dangerous animals remember steve irwin, part three: russell the stingray - September 9, 2006
dangerous animals remember steve irwin, part two: angus the spitting cobra - September 8, 2006
dangerous animals remember steve irwin, part one: nigel the crocodile - September 7, 2006
jewish heritage night at at&t park - September 6, 2006
fighting the law, sort of - September 5, 2006
flashback 2000: cheech and chongfeld - September 4, 2006
regaining focus - September 1, 2006
if my dad had written "cats in the cradle" - August 21, 2006
tower of power - August 18, 2006
come fly with me - August 14, 2006
sean keane at 50 mason, 8/5/06 - August 3, 2006
lenny bruce is not afraid - August 2, 2006
brett favre is in mid-season form - August 1, 2006
sparing the air - July 31, 2006
the continuing cultural importance of warren g & nate dogg - July 29, 2006
comedy competition recap, part 2 - July 20, 2006
comedy competition recap - July 20, 2006
pearl jam @ bill graham civic, 7/16/06 - July 17, 2006
the handsome man gap - July 16, 2006
the new yorker gets "hip" - July 14, 2006
antagonistic behavior from my youth, part 3: that's the ticket - July 12, 2006
inside the attore's studio - July 8, 2006
the road to the finals - July 7, 2006
having a concussion - a fictional story - July 7, 2006
why univision's world cup telecasts are superior to espn's - July 5, 2006
safe sex advice for pirates - July 3, 2006
How the Presidency of William Henry Harrison Compares With Our Trip to the Russian River - July 3, 2006
ucsb graduation, 2006 - July 1, 2006
one man, two shows, one location, fifty mason - June 29, 2006
more reasons why i am a nerd - June 29, 2006
that old time rock and roll - June 27, 2006
out-of-context excerpts from the first chapter of "the clue in the embers", hardy boys mystery #35 - June 26, 2006
shandon anderson's answering machine - June 23, 2006
comedy competition update - June 21, 2006
happy birthday moe, lou, aage, salman, paula, garfield, dirk, and sean - June 19, 2006
shuffling winamp, round two - June 18, 2006
two chances to see sean keane stand-up - June 16, 2006
notes from the neighbors - June 16, 2006
why baseball rituals don't work for soccer - June 15, 2006
the hidden subtext of conversations - June 14, 2006
john daly and the one-armed bandit - June 13, 2006
willie mays was not messing around - June 12, 2006
willie mays and blasting caps - June 9, 2006
game journal: marlins at giants, 6/6/06 - June 8, 2006
last-minute 50 mason booking, 6/10/06 - June 7, 2006
running out the clock at work - June 6, 2006
the pissed-off-at-the-pissed-off-voter-guide voter guide - June 5, 2006
re-examining songs from my youth, part 5: "maneater", hall & oates - June 4, 2006
a ring tone is a wish your phone makes - June 3, 2006
the new navy - June 2, 2006
blogging about ring tones is like text messaging about pop-up ads - June 1, 2006
liveblogging winamp - May 31, 2006
flashback 2002: un chiste - May 30, 2006
why i am not afraid of the mummy - May 29, 2006
bonds = pete rose? - May 28, 2006
lollipop paint shop (patent pending) - May 27, 2006
bless you - May 26, 2006
your fantasy baseball boyfriend - May 25, 2006
"crazy" = song of the year - May 24, 2006
tim duncan is secretly funny - May 23, 2006
flashback 2002: low-ride bond - May 22, 2006
song recommendations - the cover chain - May 21, 2006
new sean keane located - May 20, 2006
tough conversations for harrison ford impersonators, part 2 - May 19, 2006
tough conversations for harrison ford impersonators, part 1 - May 18, 2006
somebody's getting married, part 2: the soundtrack - May 17, 2006
somebody's getting married, part 1: ohana means family - May 16, 2006
nash bridges pretends to be gay - May 15, 2006
more on the da vinci code - May 14, 2006
choosing roadside assistance - May 13, 2006
living in the city and giving bad directions - May 12, 2006
bar mitzvah tour 2006, part 6: the bar mitzvah - May 11, 2006
two dolla wednesday recap: a's vs. indians, 5/03/06 - May 10, 2006
the office boyfriend - May 9, 2006
overheard conversations in the castro, 5/09/06 - May 8, 2006
the grand master transfer station - May 7, 2006
strangers are easy to like: the go! team @ great american music hall, 4/27/06 - May 6, 2006
flashback 2001: michael douglas is gross - May 5, 2006
more corporate sponsorship for BART - May 4, 2006
an ornithological look at the castro - May 3, 2006
corporate sponsorship for BART - May 2, 2006
being a hero in my neighborhood - May 1, 2006
travel tips for the wu - April 30, 2006
how early is too early? part 2 - April 29, 2006
how early is too early? part 1 - April 28, 2006
blogging unrestrained - April 27, 2006
samuel l. jackson in elementary school - April 26, 2006
the death of edgar - April 25, 2006
bar mitzvah tour 2006, part 5: the warner brothers lot - April 24, 2006
bar mitzvah tour 2006, part 4: city of firebaugh - April 23, 2006
the con of man - April 22, 2006
two dolla wednesday recap: a's vs. tigers, 4/19/06 - April 21, 2006
shameful judging in apples to apples - April 20, 2006
ten billion a month - April 19, 2006
pontius pilates - April 18, 2006
i really didn't watch this on my own accord: thoughts on jesus christ superstar - April 17, 2006
sean keane at 50 mason, april 21st - April 16, 2006
what jesus don't know won't hurt him - April 15, 2006
the difference between oakland and san francisco - April 14, 2006
let's play one - April 13, 2006
two dolla wednesday: the countdown - April 12, 2006
unsexy descriptions of sex - April 11, 2006
bar mitzvah tour 2006, part 3: the danceoff - April 10, 2006
a keane family wedding, part 2: being a licensed minister - April 9, 2006
a keane family wedding, part 1: let's roll - April 8, 2006
iron comic 3 recap - April 7, 2006
bar mitzvah tour 2006, part 2: the alpha male - April 6, 2006
notreknip reezew - April 5, 2006
bar mitzvah tour 2006, part 1: city of compton - April 4, 2006
grafitti - April 3, 2006
Light Flame - April 2, 2006
Wu Who? - April 1, 2006
Guest Blogging for Dummies by Michele - March 31, 2006
l.a. story - March 30, 2006
that's what you say - March 29, 2006
crying - March 28, 2006
in case of emergency - March 27, 2006
more aussie comedy and legal issues - March 19, 2006
muni goes to disneyland - March 18, 2006
re-examining songs from my youth, part 4: "mr. jones", counting crows - March 17, 2006
iron comic iii - March 16, 2006
radio looky lou - March 15, 2006
in which i predict the weather - March 14, 2006
santa barbara trip, part 3: san ardo, town of lost souls - March 13, 2006
sean keane scoops the onion - March 12, 2006
lessons from young sean, part 4: sticking with the joke - March 11, 2006
why joe buck sucks, part 1 - March 10, 2006
playing doctor - March 9, 2006
more excerpts from game of shadows - March 8, 2006
a tribute to woody - March 7, 2006
last thoughts on kirby puckett - March 7, 2006
oscar roundup - March 6, 2006
observations from a party, 3/5/06 - March 5, 2006
the greatest moment in ricki lake history - March 4, 2006
on posting dates and post-dating - March 3, 2006
the legend of edward 40-hands - March 2, 2006
barry bonds: cross-dresser - March 1, 2006
pdx-cursion, part 2: stumptown roundup - February 28, 2006
another ode to a muni line - February 27, 2006
the most unintelligible conversation i have ever heard - February 26, 2006
photos from golden gate park - February 25, 2006
things i learned while i was sick - February 24, 2006
santa barbara trip, part 2: the worst person in the world - February 23, 2006
the new music from the john francis - February 23, 2006
ways in which the vice president is like one of our clients - February 22, 2006
return of the sean: sean keane at 50 mason, february 24th - February 21, 2006
re-examining songs from my youth, part 3: "mr. wendal", arrested development - February 20, 2006
santa barbara trip, part 1: adventures with tires - February 19, 2006
two dolla subscription update - February 18, 2006
new events for the nba's all-star saturday, based on my childhood basketball experience - February 17, 2006
do you have to eat or get your hair cut in heaven? - February 16, 2006
highlights from brit hume's interview with dick cheney - February 15, 2006
high five a muslim day - February 14, 2006
re-examining songs from my youth, part two: funky cold medina - February 13, 2006
a history of vice presidential violence - February 12, 2006
department of department of corrections corrections - February 11, 2006
anthropology at 4th and howard - February 10, 2006
ways to make work more like eating at a chinese restaurant - February 9, 2006
jerome bettis: miked up! - February 8, 2006
super bowl xl leftovers - February 8, 2006
reviewing the super bowl refs, with doug eddings - February 7, 2006
super bowl roundup - February 6, 2006
mud bowl recap - February 6, 2006
belated mud bowl preview - February 5, 2006
awkward conversations in smurf village, part 4 - February 4, 2006
two dollar subscription plan - February 3, 2006
re-examining songs from my youth, part 1: "the unforgiven", metallica - February 2, 2006
hypothetical slogans for "stuck on lou", the hot new blog - February 2, 2006
the state of the union vs. xxx: state of the union - February 1, 2006
to be young and in love and on bart - January 31, 2006
sean keane at 50 mason, february 3rd - January 30, 2006
awkward conversations in smurf village, part 3 - January 29, 2006
sean keane's top songs of 2005, part 2 - January 28, 2006
sean keane's top songs of 2005, part 1 - January 27, 2006
the celtics throw up a whitewash - January 26, 2006
game journal: broncos vs. steelers, 1/22/06 - January 25, 2006
directions for the english-impaired - January 24, 2006
pdx-cursion, part 1: gutley - January 23, 2006
championship game preview, 1/22/06 - January 22, 2006
awkward conversations in smurf village, part 2 - January 21, 2006
tobey keith and confused germans - January 20, 2006
the adventures of Kid Press Corps! - January 19, 2006
game journal: bears vs. panthers, 1/15/06 - January 18, 2006
game journal: colts vs. steelers, 1/15/06 - January 17, 2006
game journal: broncos vs. patriots, 1/14/06 - January 16, 2006
game journal: seahawks vs. redskins, 1/14/06 - January 15, 2006
nfl playoff preview, 1/14/06 - January 14, 2006
awkward conversations in smurf village, part 1 - January 13, 2006
how to pick up girls - January 12, 2006
stand up for stand-up, 1/25/06 - January 11, 2006
the importance of articles - January 10, 2006
not-so-great sporting celebrations: the big l - January 9, 2006
chad johnson, hero - January 8, 2006
ain't no excursion on this fare - January 7, 2006
the safeway magazine rack - January 6, 2006
whoa nellie - January 5, 2006
muni journal, 1/5/06 - January 5, 2006
two stories about a zip-up sweatshirt - January 4, 2006
the highlight of my new year's day - January 3, 2006
blogging the reggie bush bowl - January 2, 2006
state of the zembla - January 1, 2006
merry christmas: here's some self-promotion - December 25, 2005
christmas gifts, part 2 - December 22, 2005
christmas gifts, part 1 - December 21, 2005
lake minnetonka and the seventh floor crew - December 16, 2005
technically, it's "dennis" - December 15, 2005
iron comic! - December 6, 2005
what i learned on thanksgiving - November 28, 2005
where? right in the crotch - November 19, 2005
tips for aspiring stand-ups - November 16, 2005
cinematic disasters, as managed by george w. bush - November 14, 2005
belated world series recap - November 11, 2005
how terrell owens could become even more hated - November 7, 2005
a nickname update from chile - November 4, 2005
november 18th - November 2, 2005
imagine an iron mask filled with nougat - November 1, 2005
my trip to nascar - October 27, 2005
this guy i know - October 26, 2005
things doug eddings does when he isn't umpiring - October 16, 2005
on correspondence with prisoners - October 13, 2005
blatant self-promotion - October 12, 2005
csma/cd - October 11, 2005
jet blue - October 10, 2005
i am not an animal - October 7, 2005
if andre 3000 had been in the beatles, part 1 - October 5, 2005
on a warm summer's evening in a compact car bound for nowhere - September 3, 2005
noe street discusses home-buying (2004) - July 30, 2005
marco scutaro: discount hero - July 28, 2005
defiant commentary from a guy who is unduly provoked by disclaimers added to commercials - July 27, 2005
full-priced baseball - June 29, 2005
NBA Teams That Could Be Legally Represented By The Non-Profit Appellate Law Office Where I Work - June 24, 2005
russian river rafting announcement - June 22, 2005
happy 37th to me - June 19, 2005
klown kollege, or how i learned to stop worrying and love getting shot out of a cannon - June 7, 2005
running diary, jays vs. a's, 4/12/05 - April 22, 2005
final squelch of 04-05 with final 04-05 sean keane famousness - April 19, 2005
laughter is the best medicine - April 15, 2005
upcoming events - March 30, 2005
blind justice - March 23, 2005
a surefire way to thwart officer toughkins - March 6, 2005
bill o'reilly falafel blues - March 3, 2005
belated super bowl review - February 20, 2005
semi-new squelch with semi-new keane content now online, plus hype - February 9, 2005
in greek, it'd be sunergos - February 7, 2005
shakes vs. officer toughkins - January 30, 2005
the loneliness of the sideline reporter - January 24, 2005
i know, they're called doctors - January 19, 2005
the 20q handheld electronic game and the future of artificial intelligence - December 22, 2004
if animals were gangsta rappers, part 1 - December 21, 2004
"director's cut" endings from children's films, part 1: willie wonka - December 10, 2004
Rejected Lines From "Garden State" - December 9, 2004
Came by his wealth as a matter of luck, says he never broke no law - December 8, 2004
there's nothing like publicity, and this is nothing like publicity! - December 6, 2004
sizing up the competition: sean keanes around the world - December 3, 2004
how we met, part three: dan small - November 30, 2004
door-to-door fighting - November 10, 2004
my election night journal - November 4, 2004
sean keane's growing internet famousness, 11/1/04: mcsweeney's - November 1, 2004
it could have been a brilliant career: sean's adventures in acting, part 2: yes! you found a supernova! - October 31, 2004
campaign trail quotes from george w. bush, if he were running for president in 1848 - October 26, 2004
new squelch with new keane content - October 12, 2004
your guide to avoiding drugstore embarrassment - October 10, 2004
disturbing trends in the triangle - October 6, 2004
sean keane's growing internet famousness - October 5, 2004
dustin hermanson and matt herges get new jobs - October 2, 2004
four dollars worth of wednesday, part 2 - October 1, 2004
four dollars worth of wednesday, part 1 - September 29, 2004
let's just say larry brown wasn't invited - September 18, 2004
Bad Stock Market Tips From Early 1994, If You Could Buy Stock In Alphanumeric Keys - August 22, 2004
there'll be time enough for indie rockin when we're old - August 19, 2004
reds at giants, 8/5/04: brilliant - August 6, 2004
u is for orange alert - July 25, 2004
you're on their turf - July 24, 2004
ths is what happens when you don't pay the money you owe, sharon - June 29, 2004
blogcleaning - June 19, 2004
maybe if i had my own sylph . . . - June 17, 2004
late night appearance affirms vigoda aliveness - April 19, 2004
me got game - April 16, 2004
zembla's easter eggstravaganza, part 1: the circus club - April 13, 2004
if bumper sticker jokes were horses, i'd win the kentucky derby - April 9, 2004
would have been much more relevant three months ago . . . - April 7, 2004
something is changing inside me, and don't you know - April 1, 2004
is it feti? - no, fetuses is fine - March 31, 2004
a breakdown in international relations - March 30, 2004
vegas, baby, vegas - March 29, 2004
goateequest 2004: the first ten days - March 25, 2004
not by the hair on my chinny chin chin - March 16, 2004
play it again, zem - March 15, 2004
red rum!?! - January 11, 2004
game strategies - December 3, 2003
two glass jars full of dirt do not equal a device - December 2, 2003
antagonistic behavior from my youth, part 2: jenny, i got your number - December 1, 2003
antagonistic behavior from my youth, part 1: the greek theatre - November 9, 2003
zembla goes east, part 5: the neal pollack invasion - October 24, 2003
zembla goes east, part 4: baseball in southie - October 23, 2003
zembla goes east, part 3: the difference between harvard and m.i.t. - October 22, 2003
zembla goes east, part 2: the harvard teen girl squad - October 21, 2003
zembla goes east, part 1: boston, you're my home - October 20, 2003
stories about my sister molly, part 3: earmuffs! - October 17, 2003
stories about my sister molly, part 2: hide-and-seek champion of all time - October 17, 2003
stories about my sister molly, part 1: gender confusion - October 17, 2003
belated nfl review, week 5 - October 9, 2003
slide, jeremy, slide! revisited - October 5, 2003
games of innocence; games of experience: giants vs. marlins, 2003 NLDS - October 3, 2003
nfl review, week 4 - October 1, 2003
asian-american children's names - September 28, 2003
belated nfl review, week 3 - September 27, 2003
getting your haircut, the fatalistic way - September 26, 2003
a pedophile and a pedagogue in conversation - September 24, 2003
belated nfl review, week 2 - September 21, 2003
osama bin laden: making the video - September 17, 2003
chasing 170 - September 15, 2003
belated nfl preview - September 14, 2003
dear john - September 13, 2003
jokes about marvel comics characters if they had food allergies in common with eight year-old johnny newbury, by johnny newbury - September 13, 2003
Z-E-M-B-L-A, it's coming back, it's coming back - September 13, 2003
henry david thoreau, newlywed: part 2 - August 28, 2003
henry david thoreau: newlywed - August 27, 2003
jack johnson music helps fan stay in coma - August 25, 2003
put that bullpen phone down, the ninth inning's for closers - August 24, 2003
opinions were like kittens, i was giving 'em away - August 22, 2003
afghanistan complains of neglect - August 20, 2003
case closed! - August 18, 2003
an ode to my favorite muni line - August 17, 2003
a fair and balanced look at "office space" - August 15, 2003
tim hudson battles the red ringers - August 14, 2003
arnold runs for box office glory - August 13, 2003
the reverse entropy of traffic regulation - August 9, 2003
alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad first week at work - August 8, 2003
sean keane versus deep blue - July 31, 2003
from the archives: goodbye, white tornado, goodbye - July 26, 2003
a week's worth of ineptitude in just 18 innings - July 23, 2003
lessons from young sean, part 3: telling it like it is - July 22, 2003
zembla goes south, part 6: jessee's car - July 18, 2003
zembla goes south, part 5: the pet name - July 17, 2003
zembla goes south, part 4: the san diego zoo - July 16, 2003
zembla goes south, part 3: tijuana - July 15, 2003
zembla goes south, part 2: the short conversation - July 15, 2003
zembla goes south, part1: la freeways - July 12, 2003
ward street week, part the last: why don't you come out here? - July 7, 2003
ward street week, part 5: the überbong - July 4, 2003
ward street week, part 4: the difference between oakland and berkeley - July 3, 2003
ward street week, part 3: scenes from "the matrix", rewritten as if the matrix were my apartment, ward street d - July 2, 2003
ward street week, part 2: breaking up is hard to do - July 1, 2003
ward street week, part 1: homecourt advantage - June 30, 2003
new slang, part 1: "sucks" - June 27, 2003
are young swimmers juiced? - June 26, 2003
heart cooks brain - June 24, 2003
the greatest fashion advice comes from children - June 22, 2003
lessons from young sean, part 2: the world of politics - June 19, 2003
lessons from young sean, part 1: getting what you want - June 19, 2003
Point/Counterpoint: Tony the Tiger vs. Bill Walton - June 17, 2003
bop-it: an emotional journey, in five photos - June 16, 2003
the best albums of 2002 list - June 14, 2003
from the archives: "baja fresh," 4/99 - June 13, 2003
goodbye is not a good enough word, so i'll just say fare thee well - June 12, 2003
my kingdom for a gelded horse - June 10, 2003
the observational comic encounters... the physics midterm - June 9, 2003
the worst songs of all time, part 1: the girl is mine - June 5, 2003
Rough Drafts of the Climactic Scene From the Sammy Sosa-Themed Episode of "CSI" - June 4, 2003
discipline and punishment worthy of a seven year-old michel foucault - June 3, 2003
¿como se llamas tus llamas? - May 30, 2003
near-great moments in retorts - May 29, 2003
the most fabulous place on earth - May 26, 2003
Alex Trebek, In Various Parallel Universes - May 23, 2003
today's young people - May 20, 2003
the door test, kid, that's what counts - May 18, 2003
more like bad-ison avenue! - May 15, 2003
the matrix: reloaded - May 14, 2003
three stories about pool sanitation - May 13, 2003
another dream: soccer with john mayer - May 11, 2003
*warning: contains spoilers* - May 10, 2003
about michael caine the man, not michael caine the actor - May 9, 2003
first holy communion: a report from the front - May 8, 2003
top five rejected lyrics from bryan adams' "have you ever really loved a woman?" - May 5, 2003
On turtles and greetings and kindness - May 2, 2003
our greatest living writer - April 28, 2003
a heartwarming tale of easter - April 27, 2003
one step closer to living off the fat of the land - April 24, 2003
pecking and kicking with dimitri - April 22, 2003
the hatch just blew, dammit - April 17, 2003
news from the front - April 12, 2003
childhood jokes rewritten as commentary on war criminals, part 3 - April 8, 2003
princess big-nose - April 7, 2003
childhood jokes rewritten as commentary on war criminals, part 2 - April 5, 2003
childhood jokes rewritten as commentary on war criminals, part 1 - April 4, 2003
stories about my sister megan, part 3: the doctor kit - April 1, 2003
stories about my sister megan, part 2: when animals attack - March 31, 2003
stories about my sister megan, part 1: the code - March 31, 2003
sf chronicle famousness - March 26, 2003
bush delivers ultimatum to iraq - March 20, 2003
st. patrick's day and lying to children: two great tastes that taste great together - March 18, 2003
us and security council agree to disagree - March 18, 2003
taking out the trash - March 17, 2003
top five travis tritt songs for the new millenium - March 16, 2003
congress declares thumb war - March 16, 2003
my relationship with jesus is strictly business - March 14, 2003
it could have been a brilliant career: sean's adventures in acting, part 1: the supernova cd-rom - March 12, 2003
my altercations with an irishman - March 9, 2003
Emeryville IKEA Declares Independence - March 9, 2003
legal trouble for zembla - March 7, 2003
there is a light that never goes out - March 5, 2003
two weeks notice, except less - March 4, 2003
what kind of a restaurant doesn't have vermouth? - March 2, 2003
well, a lot of good cars are japanese - February 24, 2003
more news about terror and candy - February 22, 2003
snowball implicated in anthrax mailings - February 19, 2003
from the archives: typographical conversation theory - February 18, 2003
sentient cotton candy - February 18, 2003
notes on the "manhunter" dvd - February 17, 2003
us sends troops to alaska - February 15, 2003
adventures in tolkien nerdery - February 14, 2003
born to be... wild? - February 10, 2003
from the archive: the willie mays story - October 10, 1986 - February 8, 2003
nba action - it's (far from) FAN-tastic! - February 6, 2003
sara and sami and the dump - February 3, 2003
sean is slightly famouser - January 27, 2003
the music city gambling miracle - January 25, 2003
from the archive: age 14 writing, part II - top ten lists - January 23, 2003
from the archive: age 14 writings - January 23, 2003
¡uno más! - January 22, 2003
aaron vinson and alphabetical prejudice - January 21, 2003
only the pennington man shall pass - January 19, 2003
super-strange and super-cute visitors to the lawrence hall of science, january edition II - January 17, 2003
santa claus = god for kids - January 14, 2003
how we met, volume 2 - dustin reed - January 13, 2003
sean nitpicks things that everyone likes, volume 1: back to the future - January 11, 2003
weird-ass visitors to the lawrence hall of science, january edition - January 9, 2003
ward street d: the evolution - January 8, 2003
trends i have noticed, but do not understand - January 4, 2003
all is noisy on new year's day - January 2, 2003
we get letters, december 2002 edition - December 31, 2002
how we met, volume 1 - kristen larson - December 29, 2002
warren g, you useless, useless bastard - December 26, 2002
demorol, sweet demorol - December 23, 2002
short conversation roundup, part 1 - December 21, 2002
two conversations involving felix, ex-roommate yi's best friend, spring of 1998 - December 17, 2002
the harsh road to caldecott (in which gene is paraphrased at length) - December 16, 2002
heart-to-hearts - December 16, 2002
an open letter to the guy standing behind me at the ben folds concert, warfield theatre, 11/15/02 - December 15, 2002
unrealized humorous concepts, fall of 1997 - December 15, 2002
some dreams i had during late december/early january 1998/99 - December 13, 2002
speeding motorcycle - December 11, 2002
the CGAME - December 11, 2002
on emotions - December 9, 2002
surgery update - December 7, 2002
kneed i say more? - December 5, 2002
two tales of thanksgiving violence - December 4, 2002
vignettes from LHS - December 2, 2002
dinner with kati voluntine and gene wood, a review - November 20, 2002
upbeat bonus entry - November 15, 2002
for those of you on a kneed-to-know level... - November 15, 2002
columbus day - October 15, 2002
KOIT - October 3, 2002
dinosaur comedy, take 2 - September 17, 2002
historical artifact - September 9, 2002
got the tickets? - August 29, 2002
hobbit comedy - August 28, 2002
recommendations, 8/28 - August 28, 2002
!si estas paredes podrian hablar! - August 27, 2002
i'm not a scab, i'm a _strikebreaker_ - August 27, 2002
lawrence hall name fun - August 22, 2002
welcome week - August 22, 2002
hooray for english - August 14, 2002
the diary of chris webber - August 12, 2002
jesus and the altar boys - August 12, 2002
lawrence hall of sadness - August 11, 2002
aaron vinson and gene wood debate technology (from 1998) - August 11, 2002
parsley, rage, rosemary, and time - August 11, 2002
it, um, randomizes them - August 10, 2002
fermat and schubert - July 25, 2002
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